Series Introduction
Our culture places huge significance on people’s accomplishments. Often it feels like we are what we do. However, Jesus continually places emphasis on relationships, suggesting that it’s not our accomplishments, but our connections with people that make us who we are and make life worth living.
Series Big Idea
In this series we will take a closer look at God’s commands and promises as it relates to difficult relationships, loneliness and community; and how His ultimate promise to be WITH us can change everything.
Session 1
WHO ARE YOU WITH?
Big Idea
Often people are in relationships for what they can GET; however, real love is about what we can GIVE.
Ice Breaker
Have you ever met a famous person? If so, who? If not, do you know someone who has met someone, who has met someone, who has met someone….who is famous?
Introduction
We seem to be fascinated with meeting famous people. If we ever get the opportunity to actually meet one (or even see one in the airport or at a restaurant), we can’t wait to tell everyone we know. But meeting a famous person is really entirely about what we get out of the experience. Unfortunately, this can become true of our other relationships as well.
It is tempting to make relationships all about us and what we can get from them. As we become more like Jesus, we will begin to see relationships as ways to bless the lives of others. We will begin to look for what we can give rather than what we can get.
1. When you are in a crowd of people, what best describes you?
a. Wallflower
b. The life of the party
c. Looking for someone I know to talk to
d. Looking for someone I don’t know to talk to
e. I hate crowds
f. Other____________________
Whether we love being around people, or prefer time mostly to ourselves it is clear that God intends for us to live life WITH others. Genesis 2 shows us that even in the perfect world of the Garden of Eden, where God first created and placed man, where intimacy with God was unbroken and untainted; it was still not good for human beings to be alone.
READ Genesis 2:18 (The Message)
GOD said, "It's not good for the Man to be alone; I'll make him a helper, a companion." So GOD formed from the dirt of the ground all the animals of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the Man to see what he would name them. Whatever the Man called each living creature, that was its name. The Man named the cattle, named the birds of the air, named the wild animals; but he didn't find a suitable companion.
God is relational to His core and He designed us this way also. The need to be WITH people, to be close to people is a God thing.
Paul (one of the very first Christ Followers) also demonstrates his need and love for people at the beginning of his letter to the Philippians:
READ Philippians 1:3-6; 9-11 (The Message)
Every time you cross my mind, I break out in exclamations of thanks to God. Each exclamation is a trigger to prayer. I find myself praying for you with a glad heart. I am so pleased that you have continued on in this with us, believing and proclaiming God's Message, from the day you heard it right up to the present. There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears.
So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover's life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God
2. Outside of your own family, who are the people in your life you most prefer to be WITH? What are some of the reasons you prefer their company?
3. In Vs. 9 above, Paul prays very unselfishly for the people of Philippi. He could have prayed that they would not forget him, or that they would send him money or help. But instead he prayed for their knowledge, discernment, purity and righteousness. Share a time when someone prayed that unselfishly for you? Or share a time when you felt compelled to pray unselfishly for someone else?
4. Are there some people we are WITH out of obligation? Is this a good or a bad thing?
In Acts 16:16-34 Paul, while in Philippi, was in prison. After a long night of praying and singing to God, there was a violent earthquake. The prison doors flew open and Paul’s chains were loosened. One of the Jailers, assuming that Paul would escape, drew his sword to kill himself rather than bear the punishment of losing prisoners on his watch. Paul assured the jailer that he was not going anywhere. Before the night was over, Paul and Silas were having dinner at the jailer’s house and the jailer and his whole family had come to believe in God.
What started out as a relationship of obligation (Paul with a jailer) become a relationship of purpose and choice.
5. How can we turn what seems like an obligatory relationship into a relationship of choice? What has to change in our heart and mind in order for this to happen?
Martin Buber, a great religious philosopher, said that all relationships boil down to two kinds of connections:
• The “I-It” relationship where the other person is only means to my own end, my fulfillment, and therefore really an object to be used by me
• The “I-Thou” relationship where the other is a person in their own right, someone who I can be close to and never treat as only an object of my gratification
6. What are some examples in our culture of people using others for their own fulfillment and gratification?
7. Is it even possible for someone to have a relationship where they get nothing in return? If so, what are some examples of this?
8. Think back to question #3, the people you are in relationship with out of obligation. Do you think God requires us to be in relationship with them?
READ Luke 6:32-36 (The Message)
Here is a simple rule of thumb for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you; then grab the initiative and do it for them! If you only love the lovable, do you expect a pat on the back? Run-of-the-mill sinners do that. If you only help those who help you, do you expect a medal? Garden-variety sinners do that. If you only give for what you hope to get out of it, do you think that's charity? The stingiest of pawnbrokers does that.
I tell you, love your enemies. Help and give without expecting a return. You'll never—I promise—regret it. Live out this God-created identity the way our Father lives toward us, generously and graciously, even when we're at our worst. Our Father is kind; you be kind.
As you can see, Jesus says it is not only possible to have relationships where it appears we will get nothing in return, but it is the way for his followers to live…because the Most High is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked.
9. Are “relationship” and “love” the same thing? Is love required for relationship to happen? Is a relationship required for love to happen?
10. Do you think Paul loved the jailer in Philippi? If so, how did he show his love toward him?
What’s Next?
Pick an unlikely person in your life with whom you can act lovingly toward. What is something you can do to bless them while also expecting nothing in return? Challenge yourself to pray Paul’s prayer for the Philippians for the person you chose…for the next 7 days. (Encourage the group to share their success stories throughout this series.)
Session 2
I’M WITH STUPID
Big Idea
We all have difficult relationships. God can take these difficulties and turn them into good for ourselves and for others.
Ice Breaker
Describe a difficult teacher you had in elementary school, Jr. High, or High school. What made this teacher difficult?
Introduction
As very young children, we all learn quickly that there are people in our lives who are difficult to get along with. No matter what we do, this person just seems impossible. They may be a teacher, a playground bully or the next door neighbor. As we get older, it these difficult people seem to multiply and become our bosses, our coworkers, and sometimes even our friends and family.
It’s not just modern day society that provides examples of dysfunctional and difficult relationships. The reality is, difficult relationships have been going on since the beginning of time.
Israel (also called Jacob) had 12 sons that would eventually make up the 12 tribes of Israel. Unfortunately, trouble was brewing among these boys from the time the youngest, Joseph, was 17 years old.
READ Genesis 37:3-11 (The Message)
Israel loved Joseph more than any of his other sons because he was the child of his old age. And he made him an elaborately embroidered coat. When his brothers realized that their father loved him more than them, they grew to hate him—they wouldn't even speak to him.
Joseph had a dream. When he told it to his brothers, they hated him even more. He said, "Listen to this dream I had. We were all out in the field gathering bundles of wheat. All of a sudden my bundle stood straight up and your bundles circled around it and bowed down to mine."
His brothers said, "So! You're going to rule us? You're going to boss us around?" And they hated him more than ever because of his dreams and the way he talked.
He had another dream and told this one also to his brothers: "I dreamed another dream—the sun and moon and eleven stars bowed down to me!"
When he told it to his father and brothers, his father reprimanded him: "What's with all this dreaming? Am I and your mother and your brothers all supposed to bow down to you?" Now his brothers were really jealous; but his father brooded over the whole business.
1. Because it was not uncommon for the people of Joseph’s day to have God speak to them in dreams, the content of a person’s dreams were taken seriously and often as future prophecy. Why do you think Joseph chose to share his dreams with his older brothers?
2. In what ways do you see or not see a natural competition among the men or boys in your extended family and friendships/relationships? What about the women?
Israel sends Joseph to help his brothers graze their flocks. Check out what they plot against Joseph:
Read Genesis 37:18-23 (The Message)
They spotted him off in the distance. By the time he got to them they had cooked up a plot to kill him. The brothers were saying, "Here comes that dreamer. Let's kill him and throw him into one of these old cisterns; we can say that a vicious animal ate him up. We'll see what his dreams amount to."
Reuben heard the brothers talking and intervened to save him, "We're not going to kill him. No murder. Go ahead and throw him in this cistern out here in the wild, but don't hurt him." Reuben planned to go back later and get him out and take him back to his father.
When Joseph reached his brothers, they ripped off the fancy coat he was wearing, grabbed him, and threw him into a cistern. The cistern was dry; there wasn't any water in it.
Then they sat down to eat their supper. Looking up, they saw a caravan of Ishmaelites on their way from Gilead, their camels loaded with spices, ointments, and perfumes to sell in Egypt. Judah said, "Brothers, what are we going to get out of killing our brother and concealing the evidence? Let's sell him to the Ishmaelites, but let's not kill him—he is, after all, our brother, our own flesh and blood." His brothers agreed.
By that time the Midianite traders were passing by. His brothers pulled Joseph out of the cistern and sold him for twenty pieces of silver to the Ishmaelites who took Joseph with them down to Egypt.
3. Although most people will not plot to kill or sell into slavery those who are difficult in their lives, what are some of the things people do today to get back at those they dislike?
4. Be it a co-worker, a neighbor, a family member, a boss; what are some of the things you catch yourself doing to “get back at” those who frustrate you?
Taking Responsibility for Our Stupid
It would be easy to point to Joseph’s brothers as the culprits of this family’s problems. They are the ones who made some stupid relational choices. However, with a closer look, it is easy to see that all the members of this family displayed some degree of relational stupidity.
“Stupid is as Stupid does” - Forrest Gump
5. Think back on a relationship in your life that has caused you grief and pain. During that season of your life, was it easy or difficult for you to believe that God was WITH you?
It is often our temptation to focus on the stupid things that other people do in relationships when we fail to see that sometimes the most problematic thing in the relationship is us. A common saying in recovery circles is: “We have to clean up our own side of the street.” Scripture puts it this way:
READ Luke 6:42 (The Message)
It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' when your own face is distorted by contempt? It's this I-know-better-than-you mentality again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your own part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor.
6. Why do people tend not to examine themselves first as the text suggest, but instead look only at the faults of others?
7. When Israel and Joseph began to recognize the anger of the brothers, what could they have done to take responsibility for their part in the rising tension?
God Makes Even Stupid Things Good
Eventually, Joseph ends up as second in command of Egypt! (You just have to read it to believe it - Genesis 37-50). While ruling in Egypt, the land of Joseph’s father and brothers experiences a seven year famine. The only grain and food is stored in Egypt. So, in a quest for food, Joseph’s brothers find themselves bowing at his feet. Although at first they do not recognize him, Joseph certainly recognizes his brothers. Joseph not only gives them food, but persuades the Pharaoh to allow his family to live on a plot of land in Egypt. After their father’s death, Joseph’s brothers assume that Joseph will want to take revenge on them.
READ Genesis 50:15-21 (The Message)
After the funeral, Joseph's brothers talked among themselves: "What if Joseph is carrying a grudge and decides to pay us back for all the wrong we did him?"
So they sent Joseph a message, "Before his death, your father gave this command: Tell Joseph, 'Forgive your brothers' sin—all that wrongdoing. They did treat you very badly.' Will you do it? Will you forgive the sins of the servants of your father's God?"
When Joseph received their message, he wept.
Then the brothers went in person to him, threw themselves on the ground before him and said, "We'll be your slaves."
Joseph replied, "Don't be afraid. Do I act for God? Don't you see, you planned evil against me but God used those same plans for my good, as you see all around you right now—life for many people. Easy now, you have nothing to fear; I'll take care of you and your children." He reassured them, speaking with them heart-to-heart.
Because of Joseph’s wisdom in leading Egypt, many lives were being saved during the seven years of famine. God clearly used Joseph for His good purposes. My favorite quote from Joseph to his brothers is, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”
READ Romans 8:28 (The Message)
That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.
8. Where are you facing relational difficulty in your life right now and need hope that God will make good out of it?
Bottom line is everyone has moments of relational stupidity. We all do things that hurt the people we love and we all have been hurt by the people we love. In order to have strong, close relationships in our lives it will inevitably involve forgiveness and reconciliation. Keeping the following things in mind will help us forgive others and reconcile our differences when those in our lives make stupid relational choices:
• I need to take responsibility for my part
• God is always with me.
• God will use it for good.
What’s Next?
Which one of the above 3 perspectives is the most difficult for you? What is a specific step you can take to move forward in this area?
Session 3
I’M WITH NOBODY
Big Idea
In times of loneliness, we can become even closer to God and rely on Him for strength and comfort.
Ice Breaker
Imagine you have one whole day totally to yourself—how would you spend your day (other than work)?
Introduction
From time to time, everyone has a season in their life when they are lonely. Many times when we think of loneliness we think of being alone, by ourselves. But some of the most difficult times of loneliness are when we are surrounded by people and we still feel all alone. We feel misunderstood, mistreated, neglected, overlooked or not included. Although these times of loneliness can be incredibly difficult, they can also be times when we learn how to rely on God and be with Him in a new way.
Since we are created to be in relationship with both God and people, it is not surprising that since the beginning of time people have felt times of loneliness. David, God’s chosen king of Israel had some lonely times even before he became king.
In spite of David’s faithful service to him as king, Saul, out of his mind with jealously, tried to kill David. So David went on the run. Without his best friend Jonathan (Saul’s son) for support, David found himself living in another country, a rival nation, in a city called Ziklag. Check out what happened next:
READ 1 Samuel 30:1-4, 6 (The Message)
Three days later, David and his men arrived back in Ziklag. Amalekites had raided the Negev and Ziklag. They tore Ziklag to pieces and then burned it down. They captured all the women, young and old. They didn't kill anyone, but drove them like a herd of cattle. By the time David and his men entered the village, it had been burned to the ground, and their wives, sons, and daughters all taken prisoner
David and his men burst out in loud wails—wept and wept until they were exhausted with weeping… And suddenly David was in even worse trouble. There was talk among the men, bitter over the loss of their families, of stoning him. David strengthened himself with trust in his GOD.
He is at the bottom: a man without a country, friends, or family. He’s got nobody.
1. Compare David’s situation to someone (real or fictional) who has lost it all and everyone seems out to get them?
2. What kinds of things do people do to try to cope with or relieve loneliness and stress?
In verse 6 above, it says, “David strengthened himself with trust in his GOD.” This verse makes me wonder what it really means to find strength in the Lord. From what we know of David’s life, let’s look at some patterns and habits that he put into play that may also help us as we find strength in God during lonely times.
Focus on God being WITH us
We learn even more about David through his writings in Psalms. Here is a sample of David’s writing from Psalm 139:7-12 (The Message):
Is there any place I can go to avoid your Spirit?
to be out of your sight?
If I climb to the sky, you're there!
If I go underground, you're there!
If I flew on morning's wings
to the far western horizon,
You'd find me in a minute—
you're already there waiting!
Then I said to myself, "Oh, he even sees me in the dark!
At night I'm immersed in the light!"
It's a fact: darkness isn't dark to you;
night and day, darkness and light, they're all the same to you.
3. The overall theme of David’s writing here is the idea that God is always WITH him. What circumstances and seasons of our lives is it most difficult to believe that God is actually WITH us?
4. Share a time in your life where the fact the God was WITH you gave you strength?
Honesty with God
In many of the Psalms written by David we find that he does not hold back his feelings, frustrations and disappointments from God. David has a way of laying it all out there. You might call it “venting” with God.
READ Psalm 142:1-4 (The Message)
I cry out loudly to GOD, loudly I plead with GOD for mercy.
I spill out all my complaints before him,
and spell out my troubles in detail:
As I sink in despair, my spirit ebbing away,
you know how I'm feeling,
Know the danger I'm in,
the traps hidden in my path.
Look right, look left—
there's not a soul who cares what happens!
I'm up against it, with no exit—
bereft, left alone.
5. We often think prayer is just about asking God for things. What do you think keeps people from just talking to God about their feelings, complaints, fears and frustrations?
6. Is it difficult for you to believe that God wants to hear all your junk? Why or why not?
Remember God’s Faithfulness
David was encouraged by remembering and recalling God’s faithfulness in his own life and in the life of his people.
READ Psalm 136:3-4 (The Message)
Thank GOD! He deserves your thanks.
His love never quits.
Thank the God of all gods,
His love never quits.
Thank the Lord of all lords.
His love never quits.
Thank the miracle-working God,
His love never quits.
7. Share a time in this last year where God demonstrated his faithfulness in your life.
Practice Being Alone with God
David found strength in the Lord in his loneliness because he had learned to be alone with God. David wrote so many Psalms to God, many of them set to music. I would guess that not only did he write them; he probably sang them over and over again. This time of worship and focus demonstrates David’s ability to spend time alone with God.
8. What situations or circumstances are most conducive to you connecting with God?
9. Share a lonely season or experience in your life? What made that time particularly lonely? What did you do to get through this time?
What’s Next?
We discussed the following ways of finding strength in the Lord:
• Focus on God being with you
• Honesty with God
• Remembering God’s Faithfulness
• Practice being alone with God
Which one of the above things are you willing to spend 30 minutes on this week? What would you do with 30 minutes of focusing on this thing? (I.e. pray, journal, talk to a friend, or read related Bible passages on the topic). Be sure to share experiences and results from taking time away to be with God.
Session 4
I’M WITH THEM
Big Idea
God offers us a relationship WITH Him and WITH His community of followers that can change the world.
Ice Breaker
If you could spend one week with any team/organization in the world, which one would you choose and why?
Introduction
We often gather in groups, teams, and clubs as a means to further our own interests. And there is nothing wrong with that…these things are great. But what makes the church different than these other kinds of communities is a cause, a mission, a reason for existing outside of meeting the needs of its members. True church community is missional…in fact it appears in the Jesus insists on it.
The Church is a Missional Community
The mission of the church is to help people find their way back to God and to mobilize Christ Followers to change the world
It seems that the church (meaning any gathering of Christians) can easily get distracted from its missional focus and become a spiritual enrichment club; a gathering that exists to make us feel good about our spiritual lives rather than a gathering that challenges us to be hope to a hurting world (salt and light).
Read Matthew 5:13-16 (The Message)
Let me tell you why you are here. You're here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You've lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage.
Here's another way to put it: You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.
Often in our individualistic society, we tend to think of the “you” in this passage as each one of us individually as a person. In this particular passage Jesus is speaking to a crowd of people, so the “you” here means a collective “you”--all of us together.
1. Why do you think Jesus chose the analogies of salt and light to describe how he wanted his people to interact with the world?
2. Salt and light were very relevant metaphors in Jesus’ day. What metaphor would you use today to communicate this same idea to people?
3. Have you ever been part of a community that was salt and light to the world? Describe what that was like for you.
4. What “good” things can get in the way, distract from or even threaten the true mission of the church?
The Church is a community that combats evil.
Read Luke 11:14-23 (The Message)
Jesus delivered a man from a demon that had kept him speechless. The demon gone, the man started talking a blue streak, taking the crowd by complete surprise. But some from the crowd were cynical. "Black magic," they said. "Some devil trick he's pulled from his sleeve." Others were skeptical, waiting around for him to prove himself with a spectacular miracle.
Jesus knew what they were thinking and said, "Any country in civil war for very long is wasted. A constantly squabbling family falls to pieces. If Satan cancels Satan, is there any Satan left? You accuse me of ganging up with the Devil, the prince of demons, to cast out demons, but if you're slinging devil mud at me, calling me a devil who kicks out devils, doesn't the same mud stick to your own exorcists? But if it's God's finger I'm pointing that sends the demons on their way, then God's kingdom is here for sure.”
“When a strong man, armed to the teeth, stands guard in his front yard, his property is safe and sound. But what if a stronger man comes along with superior weapons? Then he's beaten at his own game, the arsenal that gave him such confidence hauled off, and his precious possessions plundered.”
"This is war, and there is no neutral ground. If you're not on my side, you're the enemy; if you're not helping, you're making things worse.”
In the passage above, there is a debate going on. Does Jesus’ power come from God or from Satan? Jesus’ response is logical—“if the power is from Satan why would I use it to drive out demons…that would be like a killing off the home team (a house divided)” (slight paraphrase). Jesus then goes on to explain in vs. 21 that a strong man can guard his house, but when someone stronger comes along they can overpower and conquer. Jesus is comparing his strength to the strength of Satan. He gives credit to Satan for being strong, but clearly says someone stronger is now here (HIM!).
5. If Jesus is the ultimate power, when we are WITH him, we can know we are playing on the winning team. Does the reminder of this fact change how you play on the team? In what ways?
This passage ends with a quote from Jesus, “...there is no neutral ground. If you're not on my side, you're the enemy; if you're not helping, you're making things worse.”” Jesus makes it clear here that neutrality to him is the same thing as opposition. We are either for him or against him, there is no middle ground.
6. In our day of political-correctness, it’s very unpopular to be so absolute, so black-and-white like Jesus is here; you’re either for Jesus, or anti-Jesus. What is your initial reaction to this statement?
7. Someone can say they follow someone or they can say they are WITH someone and it communicates a whole different thing. How would you describe the difference between following Jesus and being WITH Jesus?
8. Bill Hybels, pastor of Willow Creek Community Church, often says that “the local church is the hope of the world.” What is your reaction to this statement?
When we choose to be a part of Jesus and His church, we are choosing to be a part of a community that has the real POWER to combat evil in the world. And this power comes not from the smart people in the organization, not from a huge amount of followers working hard together, but from the supernatural power of God! Being with Jesus combats evil not only in the world, but evil in ourselves…because ultimately, evil is conquered one surrendered heart at a time.
9. Let’s say you become convinced that Jesus has the power to conquer the evil in the world and He wants to start with your heart. How would you go about letting Jesus conquer the evil in your own heart and life?
What’s Next?
In what ways has Keystone been salt and light to the world? What next step can you take to get involved in bringing the good news of Christ to others in the church (groups or teams), in the community (inviting friends, relatives, and neighbors), or through one of our Xtend opportunities (Sibley or In the Image)?
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