Big Idea

Suburban Legends: GETTING DIVORCED IS BETTER THAN BEING UNHAPPY (5) Team Tool

SUBURBAN LEGENDS
GETTING DIVORCED IS BETTER THAN BEING UNHAPPY

The BIG Idea Team, Individual and Family Study Guide
Please take time to run through this study guide with your team, on your own, or with your family so that you can further apply and process the BIG Idea.

Big Idea:
Marriage, as created by God, is a lifetime commitment that changes and transforms us as we serve our spouse.

Key Verse:
Ecclesiastes 4:12
A three-stranded rope isn't easily snapped. (The Message)

The Scoop:
God often gets a bad rap when it comes to divorce.  God speaks firmly about divorce not because he dislikes people who get divorced but because he dislikes the consequences, pain, anger, and hurt that come with it.  God sees marriage as a union between two parties and Himself.  When two things, people or otherwise, become one it is impossible to separate them without damage and it is impossible for either to ever be the same as they were prior to becoming one.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 is often used at weddings as part of the ceremony and often couples will physically take 3 cords and braid them together.  For Christ followers, marriage is meant to be a union of three people – husband, wife, and God.  Some people say “Marriage is not meant to make you happy, it’s meant to make you holy”.  If being “holy” means becoming a person who is transformed into the person they were created to be in Christ through service to their spouse, then marriage is meant to make you holy. 

Life is hard, marriage is hard, we mess up; we need help, we need grace, we need forgiveness. Marriage will not always be easy—it will require hard work. But it is sacred, an incredible blessing set up by God Himself. And He’s even more committed to making our marriage last than we are!  We need to move to a place where divorce is not an option, where we remain committed to working through any conflict, no matter how difficult, with God’s help. We need to remain a “three stranded rope” keeping God as the foundation always.

1.    Do you view marriage as a legal agreement or a spiritual commitment?  Why?

2.    How do you think marriage can make us more like Christ?

3.    In what ways does your marriage make you more like Christ?

What’s Next? (take home/further processing/application)
Which of the following fits you and your relationship?  What action will you take?

•    Do you need to extend forgiveness or grace to someone else? 
•    Do you need to receive forgiveness and grace yourself?
•    If  you’re not married, what are some practical ways to encourage a married couple you know?
•    If you are married and struggling what is one step you can take this week to begin to transform your relationship?
•    If your marriage is going well (this week ☺ ) what is what is one way you can affirm your spouse?
•    If you are divorced is there a step you need to take on the road to healing?
•    Is there a way this small group could support you in taking the steps you need to take?

Suburban Legends: Parents Already Know We Appreciate Them (4) Team Tool

SUBURBAN LEGENDS:
MY PARENTS ALREADY KNOW I APPRECIATE THEM
Big Idea: Honor your parents regularly in meaningful ways.
Key Verse: Ephesians 6:1-3 Children, do what your parents tell you. This is only right. ‘Honor your father and mother’ is the first commandment that has a promise attached to it, namely, ‘so you will live well and have a long life.’ (The Message)
The Scoop: Sometimes we are so consumed with our lives that we don’t think we have time to give to our parents.  Some of us have unresolved issues and the last thing we want to do is honor and respect them.  But as Christ-followers we are called to follow Jesus’ example in all things. This includes honoring our parents.  We don’t know a lot about Jesus and his relationship with his parents, but there are a few passages that give us a glimpse into their relationship.
Mary and Joseph were called at a young age (probably around 14) to do the extraordinary – parent the son of God.  They were not married at the time and responded with total willingness to do whatever God asked of them.  They had no idea what the next 33 years would hold.  Nine months later Mary gave birth to the only perfect child who was ever born (although some grandparents might beg to differ).  Although Joseph and Mary had to have been confused at many times, when shepherds and kings came to worship Jesus in Bethlehem the Bible says, “Mary kept all these things to herself, holding them dear, deep within herself.” (Luke 2:19)

Sometimes we don’t realize the gift our parents gave us in with life and the sacrifices they made for us. 

1.    What does it look like to “honor your father and mother”?
2.    As we look back, many of us find it easy to focus on what our parents did wrong, but there probably are some things they got right.  What are some things your parents did right?
3.    If your parents are still living, what are some of their needs at this stage in their life?

What’s Next? take home/further processing and application)   No matter how difficult and busy your life gets what are some ways you can take the time to honor your parents and meet their needs?  Of if one of your parents or both are no longer living, how can you honor their memory?
Choose one of these to pray about and act on this week.
•    Would your parents say they feel or felt honored by you?
•    Do you need to reframe the way you think about your parents?
•    Do your parents have a need that you could meet?
•    Do you need to work on speaking the truth in love to your parents?
•    If your parent or parents have passed away, is there a parent that you could encourage or meet a need for this week?

Suburban Legends: All Teens Are Rebellious (3) Team Tool

ALL TEENS ARE REBELLIOUS
The BIG Idea Team, Individual and Family Study Guide Please take time to run through this study guide with your team, on your own, or with your family so that you can further apply and process the BIG Idea.
Big Idea: Teenagers need to be valued while at the same time held accountable for their choices.

Key Verse: 1 Timothy 4:12 Don't let anyone put you down because you're young. Teach believers with your life: by word, by demeanor, by love, by faith, by integrity. (The Message)

The Scoop: Sometimes even the best of teenagers make bad choices. In the book Boundaries With Teens, John Townsend expresses the importance of strong personal boundaries for parents of teens. He says “teens will develop self-control and responsibility to the extent that their parents have healthy boundaries…the more teens experience the negative consequences of their poor choices, the more internal structure and self-control they develop.” Boundaries can be likened to a fence on a property line. Parents draw the line for their children and expect that it will not be crossed. The fence represents firmly stated behavioral expectations and consequences that need to exist in order to hold teens accountable for their choices.
1. What are some reasons parents might fall short when it comes to setting and/or maintaining boundaries for their teens?
2. Can you think of a time where you learned a valuable life lesson from suffering the consequence of a bad choice? If so, share it with the group.

What’s Next? (take home/further processing/application) Teenagers who feel valued and needed are less inclined to rebel and more inclined to become responsible adults. Is there a teen you know that needs to be encouraged to develop their God given potential? If so, what can you do to help them? Is there a teen you know who you can affirm for their lifestyle choices and commitment to Christ?

Suburban Legends: Living Together will help Prepare Us for Marriage (2) Team Tool

SUBURBAN LEGENDS
LIVING TOGETHER WILL HELP US PREPARE FOR MARRIAGE

The BIG Idea Team, Individual and Family Study Guide
Please take time to run through this study guide with your team, on your own, or with your family so that you can further apply and process the BIG Idea.

Big Idea: Sexual abstinence and not living together are proven to be the best ways to prepare for a great marriage.

Key Verse: Hebrews 13:4 Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex. (The Message)

The Scoop: There are many things in a car that we don’t fully understand unless we are the manufacturer or engineer who designed the vehicle or specific part. For example, why do we change our oil every 3,000 miles? Most average auto-owners know the results or consequences of not changing their oil every 3,000 miles but still don’t know what causes the undesirable result. Some of us are even willing to stretch well beyond the suggested guidelines and “take our chances.” The only reason we know the frequency of which to change our oil is because of the User’s Manual provided by the manufacturer “for best results.”

Like a car, there are many things we don’t understand about life and why we should or shouldn’t act in a certain way. We may know the potential consequences but we fail to consult the manufacturer before making a decision that could damage “our engine.” For example, sex has been created by our manufacturer to be shared between a husband and wife in the context of marriage. God sets the standard with which we are to live when seeking the best results. If we live outside the guidelines provided to us by God in the User’s manual, the Bible, we can expect less than the best results in our relationships.

Since sex is created to be between a husband and wife, living together increases the chance that two people will make decisions outside the guidelines God has set for us. Statistically speaking, living together is not preparation for marriage, but rather training for divorce. Some experts say that you cannot be completely self-giving in sex outside of marriage because there is no permanent commitment which allows you to give all of yourself (heart, body, spirit, and mind). This causes us to create habits concerning sex that are not habits we would want to carry into marriage.

1. Imagine taking two different colors of Play Doh, pink and blue, squishing them together, and molding them into one piece. What happens when the two colors mix?

2. How do you think God views sex?

3. What are some of the consequences of not living within the boundaries God has established when it comes to our lives?

4. Many of us feel like we have lived outside the boundaries in the past. What do you think Jesus would say to us?

What’s Next? (take home/further processing/application) If you are involved in activities or a relationship that you know is not promoting God’s best for you, what steps can you take that would move you toward that “best life” that God intended for you to have? Who can you seek out to give specific praise and encouragement for living in accordance to God’s guidelines?