Big Idea: Adult Groups

You Can't Control The Future (Week 4 Team Tool)

You Don’t Have What It Takes:

You Can’t Control The Future

Big Idea:

We experience peace with the future by trusting God’s plan.

Key Verse: Read Matthew 6:23-24 (The Message)

What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

The Scoop: When we think about “the future,” it can bring all sorts of emotions. There is often a sense of great anticipation and excitement about both the short-term and long-term future: a holiday, a big vacation, getting married, becoming a parent, moving into adulthood, taking the next career step, etc. But for many of us, one of the strongest emotions that comes with thinking about the future is anxiety. We can do very little to control the future, and its human nature to fear the unknown or things out of our control.

1. Which of these “future fears” do you feel the right now?

Fear of someone close to you dying

Fear of not being financially secure in your retirement

Fear of nuclear war or some worldwide disaster

Fear of being abandoned by a spouse, friends or family

Fear of getting too far into debt or bankruptcy

Other (name it!)

2. How has bringing your fears to God made a difference in your life? If you haven’t brought your fears to God, what keeps you from doing it?

What’s Next? (take home/further processing/application)

Which of these practical steps to increase your faith in God about the future, do you most need to practice this week?

a. Spend more time recognizing and remembering God’s provision in your past.

b. Learn and understand more about what God actually promises to do in your life (through studying the Bible, learning it from others).

c. Bring your fears to God by spending real time praying to Him about them.

d. Exercise your faith by taking a risk, by step out in faith to do something that scares you and requires you to trust God.

e. Other

Posted at 03:48 PM in Adult Groups, Family Guide, Individual Reflection, Team Tools, The Big Idea, You Don't Have What It Takes | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

You Can't Handle It All (Week 3 Team Tool)

You Don’t Have What It Takes:

You Can’t Handle It All

Big Idea: God’s plan is for us to surrender our busyness and burdens to Him.

Key Verse: Read Matthew 5:3 (The Message)

You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.

The Scoop:

There are four basic areas of our lives we neglect when we are too busy: Physical, Emotional, Relational, and Spiritual. We are going to focus on the spiritual. A lot of us believe in God, but we really don’t make time for Him. The culture we live in lends itself to busyness with two income families, kid’s sports, exercise, etc. In fact, some of us are so used to being busy all the time that when we rest we feel guilty. We tell ourselves that we are not too busy and we justify that busyness by believing we can handle it all. Our busyness is often at the expense of our spiritual lives.

We say that God is important in our lives, but our actions and schedules communicate otherwise. Just like other relationships can’t thrive if we don’t put time into them (like marriage and parenting and friendships), we cannot expect our relationship with God to grow if we don’t make it a priority.

1. Where are you on the “busyness” scale right now?

a. Things are real slow right now and I actually feel relaxed.

b. I’m right at the perfect amount of busyness for me.

c. I’m feeling a little too busy and overwhelmed, where I know I need to change something.

d. I am really burned out right now and desperately need something to change.

2. What burdens are you carrying right now that are heavy and exhausting?

What’s Next? (take home/further processing/application)

What ways this week will you ask God for help you’re your busyness? What is one tangible way this week that you can allow someone else to help carry one of your burdens?

Posted at 03:48 PM in Adult Groups, Family Guide, Individual Reflection, Team Tools, The Big Idea, You Don't Have What It Takes | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

The Leader Within - Struggles of A Leader (week 2 Group Discussion Guide)

Series Introduction

We are all leaders in some capacity and we can all lead people in taking next steps in their relationship with God. This series will walk through 4 key parts of leadership with Biblical examples that show how we all can lead and ultimately live with a greater purpose.

Series Big Idea

Leadership is influence. As Christ-followers we are called to be people of influence as we share our journey and help people take next steps in their relationship with God.

“What’s Next?” Follow Up

Take a moment to revisit last week’s “What’s Next?” to see and hear how people have grown or have been challenged.

Big Idea

As we pursue next steps in our journey with God, He will allow us to face struggles and challenges that will mold and shape us into the people He created us to be.

Icebreaker

Tell a story of the most de-motivating boss, parent, teacher, or coach experience you have ever had.

Introduction

Nehemiah has taken on the huge task of rebuilding the city walls of Jerusalem. Even though he takes wise steps in spreading the work out among the many different people helping, he still encounters opposition and struggles on his journey.

We may not be taking on the task of rebuilding a city’s walls, but we will face opposition and struggle in our journey with God and in our efforts to help others take next steps in their relationship with Him. Some of us will deal with issues with our own faith and others of us will struggle with sharing our faith with others. Regardless of whether its fear of offending people or being labeled a religious fanatic, having friends and family members think we are taking this spirituality thing a bit too far, or issues within our church of faith community; we can be sure we will face opposition and struggle on the way to becoming who God wants us to be.

We can learn a lot from Nehemiah’s determination, perseverance, and willingness to sacrifice as he sought to serve God. Like in Nehemiah’s story, God can help us identify and deal with our struggles, we don’t have to rely upon our own strengths.

Nehemiah 4:1-23 “Outsiders” (The Message)

When Sanballat heard that we were rebuilding the wall he exploded in anger, vilifying the Jews. In the company of his Samaritan cronies and military he let loose: "What are these miserable Jews doing? Do they think they can get everything back to normal overnight? Make building stones out of make-believe?"

At his side, Tobiah the Ammonite jumped in and said, "That's right! What do they think they're building? Why, if a fox climbed that wall, it would fall to pieces under his weight."

Nehemiah prayed, "Oh listen to us, dear God. We're so despised: Boomerang their ridicule on their heads; have their enemies cart them off as war trophies to a land of no return; don't forgive their iniquity, don't wipe away their sin—they've insulted the builders!"

We kept at it, repairing and rebuilding the wall. The whole wall was soon joined together and halfway to its intended height because the people had a heart for the work.

When Sanballat, Tobiah, the Arabs, the Ammonites, and the Ashdodites heard that the repairs of the walls of Jerusalem were going so well—that the breaks in the wall were being fixed—they were absolutely furious. They put their heads together and decided to fight against Jerusalem and create as much trouble as they could. We countered with prayer to our God and set a round-the-clock guard against them.

1. If you were met with so much opposition, how would you have reacted?

a. Well it must not be God – anyone for some shuffleboard?

b. I didn’t really want to rebuild this wall anyway, let’s quit.

c. Why are they so mad at us?

d. This is our chance to rebuild our nation for God – let’s go!

e. Other.

2. Have you ever faced opposition to helping people take next steps in their relationship with God?

3. To show their trust and dependence upon God, Noah built an ark, Solomon built the Temple, Nehemiah built a wall; what are you building for God?

4. If “outsiders” were asked what you are building, would they know you are building something for God? (family, career, life-choices)

Read Nehemiah 4:10-23 (The Message)

But soon word was going around in Judah,
   The builders are pooped,
      the rubbish piles up;
   We're in over our heads,
      we can't build this wall.

And all this time our enemies were saying, "They won't know what hit them. Before they know it we'll be at their throats, killing them right and left. That will put a stop to the work!" The Jews who were their neighbors kept reporting, "They have us surrounded; they're going to attack!" If we heard it once, we heard it ten times.

So I stationed armed guards at the most vulnerable places of the wall and assigned people by families with their swords, lances, and bows. After looking things over I stood up and spoke to the nobles, officials, and everyone else: "Don't be afraid of them. Put your minds on the Master, great and awesome, and then fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your homes."

Our enemies learned that we knew all about their plan and that God had frustrated it. And we went back to the wall and went to work. From then on half of my young men worked while the other half stood guard with lances, shields, bows, and mail armor. Military officers served as backup for everyone in Judah who was at work rebuilding the wall. The common laborers held a tool in one hand and a spear in the other. Each of the builders had a sword strapped to his side as he worked. I kept the trumpeter at my side to sound the alert.

Then I spoke to the nobles and officials and everyone else: "There's a lot of work going on and we are spread out all along the wall, separated from each other. When you hear the trumpet call, join us there; our God will fight for us."

And so we kept working, from first light until the stars came out, half of us holding lances.

I also instructed the people, "Each person and his helper is to stay inside Jerusalem—guards by night and workmen by day."

We all slept in our clothes—I, my brothers, my workmen, and the guards backing me up. And each one kept his spear in his hand, even when getting water.

How does Nehemiah respond to the outsiders? How would have you responded?

Who do you relate to most in the story: people building the wall, Nehemiah, or those on the outside?

Like our efforts to bring people closer to God, Nehemiah had opposition both from outsiders and insiders. The outsiders jeered and made fun of him and his efforts, while the folks inside his influence were exploiting each other.

Nehemiah 5:1-13 “Insiders” (The Message)

A great protest was mounted by the people, including the wives, against their fellow Jews. Some said, "We have big families, and we need food just to survive."

Others said, "We're having to mortgage our fields and vineyards and homes to get enough grain to keep from starving."

And others said, "We're having to borrow money to pay the royal tax on our fields and vineyards. Look: We're the same flesh and blood as our brothers here; our children are just as good as theirs. Yet here we are having to sell our children off as slaves—some of our daughters have already been sold—and we can't do anything about it because our fields and vineyards are owned by somebody else."

I got really angry when I heard their protest and complaints. After thinking it over, I called the nobles and officials on the carpet. I said, "Each one of you is gouging his brother."

Then I called a big meeting to deal with them. I told them, "We did everything we could to buy back our Jewish brothers who had to sell themselves as slaves to foreigners. And now you're selling these same brothers back into debt slavery! Does that mean that we have to buy them back again?"

They said nothing. What could they say?

"What you're doing is wrong. Is there no fear of God left in you? Don't you care what the nations around here, our enemies, think of you?

"I and my brothers and the people working for me have also loaned them money. But this gouging them with interest has to stop. Give them back their foreclosed fields, vineyards, olive groves, and homes right now. And forgive your claims on their money, grain, new wine, and olive oil."

They said, "We'll give it all back. We won't make any more demands on them. We'll do everything you say."

Then I called the priests together and made them promise to keep their word. Then I emptied my pockets, turning them inside out, and said, "So may God empty the pockets and house of everyone who doesn't keep this promise—turned inside out and emptied."

Everyone gave a wholehearted "Yes, we'll do it!" and praised God. And the people did what they promised.

What are the key struggles Nehemiah faces from the insiders?

Consider if v.12 would have instead read, “We will not give it back!” they exclaimed. “And we are going to demand even more from them! We will not do as you say!” What do you think v.13 would have said? (Nehemiah’s response)

What are some possible examples where we might have conflict in our attempts to help others take next steps with God?

What is your deepest struggle when it comes to helping people find their way back to God – what do you need most from God:

Courage/confidence
Knowledge
Desire/passion
Sense of urgency
Lost people
other

What’s Next?

The 3 main barriers to moving forward in faith or in working to help others in their faith are Fear, Foes, and Fatigue. Identify (write them down) your main concerns for each barrier. How will you work this week to trust God with at least one of those barriers?

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The Leader Within - Heart of A Leader (week 1 Group Discussion Guide)

Series Introduction

We are all leaders in some capacity and we can all lead people in taking next steps in their relationship with God. This series will walk through 4 key parts of leadership with Biblical examples that show how we all can lead and ultimately live with a greater purpose.

Series Big Idea

Leadership is influence. As Christ-followers we are called to be people of influence as we share our journey and help people take next steps in their relationship with God.

Session 1

The Heart of a Leader

Big Idea

The process of leading begins when our heart breaks for people to take next steps in their relationship with God.

Icebreaker

If your house was burning and you could save one thing, what would it be?

Introduction

The city of Jerusalem is the very center of God’s covenant with His people. Unfortunately, the city became a very broken place. Nehemiah was aware of the plight of the city and it wasn’t anything new, but at some point his heart was changed and he could not ignore the situation any longer. He weeps, fasts, and mourns for days. What broke within him was the heart of a leader.

As Christ followers, our hearts will tend to break for the same things that break God’s heart. 67 percent of the world is struggling to find their way back to God. Nehemiah is a great example of someone who’s heart broke for those who didn’t know God. Nehemiah set out to restore God’s city using his influence and wealth from his respected and lucrative job as cupbearer to the king. Nehemiah was going to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem which were essential to it being the city that God intended it to be.

It is often difficult for us to feel like leaders, like we could make any difference at all. We may not have the same influence that Nehemiah had due to his financial and social status but we all have the opportunity to influence those around us.

What is most important to you right now?

What would you think or how would you feel if the most important thing in your life became lost, stolen or broken?

Is there anything in the world or in your direct sphere of influence that you would like to see change?

Read Luke 15:1-7 (The Message)

By this time a lot of men and women of doubtful reputation were hanging around Jesus, listening intently. The Pharisees and religion scholars were not pleased, not at all pleased. They growled, "He takes in sinners and eats meals with them, treating them like old friends." Their grumbling triggered this story.

"Suppose one of you had a hundred sheep and lost one. Wouldn't you leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness and go after the lost one until you found it? When found, you can be sure you would put it across your shoulders, rejoicing, and when you got home call in your friends and neighbors, saying, 'Celebrate with me! I've found my lost sheep!' Count on it—there's more joy in heaven over one sinner's rescued life than over ninety-nine good people in no need of rescue.

It’s true there are many sheep in God’s flock, there are a ton of people who are following Christ and even more who are not. It often feels inconsequential to make a difference in one person’s life. But God views people – individuals – as very valuable.

In Jesus’ story the shepherd leaves the 99 to find one lost sheep. Do you find this to be “the right choice”? Is it a choice most people would make, or does it seem more radical?

Is it fair to rejoice over the sinner who repents more than the ones who are in right-relationship with God? Why or why not?

Why do you think Jesus told this parable to the tax collectors specifically?

.

Do you feel like your heart is aligned with this mission of following Jesus when it comes to helping people take next steps in their relationship with God? On a scale of 1 – 5, where would you place yourself?

1 3 5

Caring for self plan to seek others actively helping others

Read Nehemiah 1:3-4 (The Message)

The exile survivors who are left there in the province are in bad shape. Conditions are appalling. The wall of Jerusalem is still rubble; the city gates are still cinders.

When I [Nehemiah] heard this, I sat down and wept. I mourned for days, fasting and praying before the God-of-Heaven.

Nehemiah had the heart of God. He understood that if even one person was apart from God there was work to be done. Nehemiah’s heart breaks for the same things that break God’s heart.

When Nehemiah realized that Jerusalem was no longer a place that represented God’s covenant with His people, Nehemiah responded with mourning for days; fasting and praying to God. Have you or anyone you know ever experienced this type of connection with God when it comes to helping people take next steps in their relationship with God?

Read Matthew 28:19-20 (The Message)

God authorized and commanded me to commission you: Go out and train everyone you meet, far and near, in this way of life, marking them by baptism in the threefold name: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Then instruct them in the practice of all I have commanded you. I'll be with you as you do this, day after day after day, right up to the end of the age.

What’s Next?

Our goal is to invite people into our lives and by doing so invite them to take a look at their relationship with God. Take the time to write down a friend, a family, or an acquaintance that you will make an intentional effort to pray for and invite to join you on your journey so that by doing so you are inviting them to take next steps in their relationship with Christ.

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The Real OT - Jacob to Joseph Team/Individual Guide

THE REAL OT
JACOB TO JOSEPH

The BIG Idea Team, Individual and Family Study Guide
Please take time to run through this study guide with your team, on your own, or with your family so that you can further apply and process the BIG Idea.

Big Idea:
Despite our shortcoming God loves us and works through us.

Key Verse:
Read James 5:16 (The Message)
Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed.

The Scoop:
Throughout history, it seems as though there is a defining moment in people's lives that causes them to make a significant life change. Some people may change the way they look, act, carry themselves, and for others it may even mean a name change. These are life changes that affect the core being of who we are. For some people it happens in an instant, for others it happens over a period of time. Theodore Roosevelt lost his wife and child and spent time in The Badlands of South Dakota before moving to New York, becoming a commissioner and going on to become President of the United States. Gandhi was on a train in South Africa when he was kicked off for being a minority which was the defining moment in his life to stand up for those who are oppressed. Each of these men had to wrestle with something in order to be changed. Neither of these men was perfect and both had their flaws and brokenness. In comparison, Jacob had his struggles and his experience wrestling with God was life altering.

No one can dispute that Jacob was a sinful man. He was a liar and a cheater, but God still used him to bring His grace to the world. Regardless of Jacob’s serious mistakes in his past and the wrongs God knew he would do in the future, God still desired for him to be used. Because all of us have shortcomings, we encounter God in different ways and at different times and we still fail. It is a relief that we have a God who desires to work through us despite our shortcomings.

1.    What keeps us from following God to where He might be calling us to go or to what He might be calling us to do?

2.    In your own life, what are things that you have seen happen in your family or friends that have led to broken relationships?

3.    What makes it difficult to live out the advice that James gives us in this verse?

What’s Next? (take home/further processing/application)
Examine your life and see which of the following three steps fit your situation.
•    For the next week think of all the experiences you have had from broken relationships, and think about how God can work through them for his glory.
•    Think about your things in your life that you aren't proud of and the things you are scared to share with others, and think of the people who you can share those things with so that you can find healing.
•    Think about what God is asking you to do next in your walk with him. Where is He leading you and what it will take to accept that you can be used by God?

Group Discussion Guide for Weeks 5-7: Download RealOTPART 2

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The Real OT - Jacob Team/Individual Guide

Big Idea:
God uses our struggles to shape and mold us into the people we were created to be.

Key Verse: Genesis 32:27-31 (The Message)
The man said, "What's your name?" He answered, "Jacob." The man said, "But no longer. Your name is no longer Jacob. From now on it's Israel (God-Wrestler); you've wrestled with God and you've come through."
Jacob asked, "And what's your name?" The man said, "Why do you want to know my name?" And then, right then and there, he blessed him. Jacob named the place Peniel (God's Face) because, he said, "I saw God face-to-face and lived to tell the story!"

The Scoop:
The story of Jacob reveals that he has been a deceiver, a conniver, and a con man since day one. He does whatever he has to do to get what he wants. Jacob deceives his brother, his father, and nearly meets his match when he tries to deceive his uncle Laban. He had been wrestling with everybody since the womb until he finally meets his match when he wrestles with God.

Jacob becomes “crippled” when he wrestles with God. Throughout Jacob’s life he fights to attain what he wants for himself, but finds out quickly that he could not do this with God. While we may not feel we can directly relate to Jacob, we all wrestle and fight with God for control. God is always present and always pursuing us, but we push him away trying to take control of any and all situations. Often it is not until we have come to complete desperation that we cry to God for help. Jacob has come to the point in his life where he has reached the end of himself and is now completely reliant upon God.

1.    What does it look like in your life to wrestle with God?

2.    What is the significance of Jacob’s name change?

3.    How have you seen God positively change your life through struggle?

What’s Next? Reflect on the struggles in your life and the struggles in the lives of those around you. Look for God in tough situations and pray regularly for an understanding of His plans.

Posted at 05:42 PM in Adult Groups, Family Guide, Individual Reflection, Team Tools, The Big Idea, The Real OT | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Suburban Legends Group Discussion Guide

Big Idea
Kids need firm limits, encouragement, and guidance toward a relationship with God.

Icebreaker
What is one of the best gifts you ever received? How long did it make you happy?

Introduction
There is a reality TV show on MTV called “My Super Sweet 16,” that follows a 15 year old and her family as they plan for her 16th birthday party. The parents spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to throw totally over the top parties, in elaborately decorated ballrooms, where guests arrive in Hummer limos, and are entertained by celebrity artists. The birthday girl arrives on the red carpet and is greeted like a movie star. Typically she has either had a melt down or temper tantrum multiple times in the party planning process and has told her parents that they are “ruining her life,” while they continue to spend, spend, spend in an effort to make her life happy. As the extravaganza begins, and the birthday girl arrives, parents beaming, as the child who has behaved like a spoiled brat, has the time of her life.

If you have ever seen one of these shows, you find yourself just wanting to jump through the screen and ground the teenager for a year. But at some point along the way you realize that in most cases the parents are to blame. Many parents create the habits and behaviors in their children that they spend the majority of their time trying to undue.

While those of us who are parents have probably not spent that kind of money or gone to those lengths to make our children happy, we have probably all, at one time or another, put too much emphasis on making our children happy. But sometimes what we think our children need and what they really need are two different things. The “suburban legend” that says we are supposed to make sure our kids are happy has led to an epidemic of over-indulged children.

The Bible has these words to say to children in Ephesians 6:1-3 (The Message):

Children, do what your parents tell you. This is only right. "Honor your father and mother" is the first commandment that has a promise attached to it, namely, "so you will live well and have a long life.

While all scripture certainly applies to children, this is one of the few times children are directly addressed.

1. According to the verse in Ephesians, what two things are children asked to do?

2. What does it mean to honor someone? What would it look like to honor someone?

3. In this part of Ephesians, Paul is quoting from the Ten Commandments; he points out that this is the first commandment with a promise – “so you will live well and have a long life.” What do you think God is including in that promise?

In order for children to carry out the verse in Ephesians, parents must have given them instructions to obey. When parents do not set boundaries it is difficult for children to obey the boundaries that have not been set. This problem further perpetuates itself when it comes to respecting and honoring parents as they punish their children for acting outside the boundaries which have never been clearly set. Read aloud the following scriptures that give instructions to parents:

Proverbs 23:13-14
Don’t fail to correct your children. You won’t kill them by being firm, and it may even save their lives. (CEV)

Proverbs 19:18
Discipline your children while you still have the chance; indulging them destroys them. (The Message)

Deuteronomy 6:6-9
Write these commandments that I've given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night. Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder; inscribe them on the doorposts of your homes and on your city gates. (The Message)

Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. (NLT)

4. What are some examples of how correction can “save” a child’s life?

5. What are some examples of how correction has saved your life or the life of someone you know?

6. Children need consequences when they fail to respond to correction. Give some specific examples of how you have used consequences to teach children to obey or how you learned a life lesson through consequences.

7. Did you grow up knowing God’s commandments? If so, how did you learn them? If you are a parent, how are your children learning them?

Research identifies four main types of parenting. Dr. Gary Smalley calls the four styles dominant, neglectful, permissive, and loving and firm.
• The dominant parent put a high emphasis on limits, and low emphasis on love.

• The permissive parent puts a low emphasis on limits, and high emphasis on love.

• The neglectful parent puts a low emphasis on limits, and a low emphasis on love.

• The loving and firm parent puts a high emphasis on limits, and a high emphasis on love.

8. If you are a parent (or work with children) which parenting type do you display most often? Do you need to work more on showing more love or establishing more limits? (Check with your family to see if your answers match.)

9. Can you think of some examples of parents who are loving and firm? What behaviors have you observed that make them good parents?

With firm boundaries has to come specific praise. When a child lives within the boundaries a parents has set for them, the child needs to receive praise for doing so or the child may not see value in staying within the boundaries. Loving and firm parents are good at giving specific praise (To a young child learning to make his bed - “Excellent job making your bed this morning!” Or, “Great job sharing with your brother.”) vs. general or empty praise (“good job”).

10. What are some things you can give a child specific praise for or what are some things you would like specific praise for?

What’s Next
Pick one or two specific actions you will take this week to invest in your child and be the parent God wants you to be. If you are not a parent, choose some parents that you will pray for this week.

•    I will give specific verbal affirmation to my child.
•    I will show my child more affection.
•    I will take time to connect one on one with my child.
•    I will pray for my child.
•    I will establish specific rules for my children.
•    I will establish specific consequences for my children.
•    I will look for ways to help my child connect to God’s community.
•    I will connect with a parent I respect for support.
•    I will be intentional about talking about how God wants my child to have the best life.

Personal Journal and Reflection
Luke 18:28-30, 2 Corinthians 12:13-15, Colossians 3:20-24, Proverbs 30:17, Exodus 20:12
How do you see yourself as a child of God? What does it mean to you for God to be a father figure?

___________________________________________________________________________

Who can you pray for in your family? _____________________________
Who can you pray for at work or school? ______________________________
Who can you pray for in your neighborhood? _____________________________

“What’s Next?” Follow Up
Take a moment to revisit last week’s “What’s Next?” to see and hear how people have grown or have been challenged.

Big Idea
Sexual abstinence and not living together are proven to be the best ways to prepare for a great marriage.

Icebreaker
Name one of your favorite inventions. What do you like about it most? Do you know who invented it?
Introduction
There are many things in a car that we don’t fully understand unless we are the manufacturer or engineer who designed the vehicle or specific part. For example, why do we change our oil every 3,000 miles? Most average auto-owners know the results or consequences of not changing their oil every 3,000 miles but still don’t know what causes the undesirable result. Some of us are even willing to stretch well beyond the suggested guidelines and “take our chances.” The only reason we know the frequency of which to change our oil is because of the User’s Manual provided by the manufacturer “for best results.”

Like a car, there are many things we don’t understand about life and why we should or shouldn’t act in a certain way. We may know the potential consequences but we fail to consult the manufacturer before making a decision that could damage “our engine.” For example, sex has been created by our manufacturer to be shared between a husband and wife in the context of marriage. God sets the standard with which we are to live when seeking the best results. If we live outside the guidelines provided to us by God in the User’s manual, the Bible, we can expect less than the best results in our relationships.

Here are some statistics on the results of living together before marriage from Michael McManus, the president of Marriage Savers. Statistically speaking, living together is not preparation for marriage, but rather training for divorce.

•    More than eight out of ten couples who live together will break up either before the wedding or afterwards in divorce.
•    Couples who do marry after living together are 50% more likely to divorce than those who did not.
•    Only 12 percent of couples who have begun their relationship with cohabitation end up with a marriage lasting 10 years or more.

The Bible also has some significant things to say concerning sex and marriage, the context in which they were created, and the purposes for which they were designed. Read the passages below together as a group.

Matthew 19:4-6
Haven't you read in your Bible that the Creator originally made man and woman for each other, male and female? And because of this, a man leaves father and mother and is firmly bonded to his wife, becoming one flesh—no longer two bodies but one. Because God created this organic union of the two sexes, no one should desecrate his art by cutting them apart. (The Message)

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
God wants you to be holy, so don't be immoral in matters of sex. 4Respect and honor your wife. Don't be a slave of your desires or live like people who don't know God. (CEV)

1. Imagine taking two different colors of Play Doh, pink and blue, squishing them together, and molding them into one piece. What happens when the two colors mix? What happens when they are pulled apart? How does that relate to the idea of becoming one flesh referred to in Matthew 19?

2. The word “holy” means “set apart”. In addition to not living together and abstaining from sex, what other ways can we act in a way that is “set apart” from worldly ways when it comes to relationships?

Since sex is created to be between a husband and wife, living together increases the chance that two people will make decisions outside the guidelines God has set for us. Some experts say that you cannot be completely self-giving in sex outside of marriage because there is no permanent commitment which allows you to give all of yourself (heart, body, spirit, and mind). This causes us to create habits concerning sex that are not habits we would want to carry into marriage.

3. How do you think God views sex?

Many people think of God as anti-sex, but it is not true. Silently read this passage found in the Bible, from the book Song of Solomon, which is a beautiful love story between a married couple.

Song of Solomon 7
Shapely and graceful your sandaled feet, and queenly your movement—
Your limbs are lithe and elegant, the work of a master artist.
Your body is a chalice, wine-filled.
Your skin is silken and tawny like a field of wheat touched by the breeze.
Your breasts are like fawns, twins of a gazelle.
Your neck is carved ivory, curved and slender.
Your eyes are wells of light, deep with mystery.
Quintessentially feminine!
Your profile turns all heads, commanding attention.
The feelings I get when I see the high mountain ranges
—stirrings of desire, longings for the heights—
Remind me of you, and I'm spoiled for anyone else!
Your beauty, within and without, is absolute, dear lover, close companion.
You are tall and supple, like the palm tree,
and your full breasts are like sweet clusters of dates.
I say, "I'm going to climb that palm tree! I'm going to caress its fruit!"
Oh yes! Your breasts will be clusters of sweet fruit to me,
Your breath clean and cool like fresh mint, your tongue and lips like the best wine.
The Woman
Yes, and yours are, too—my love's kisses flow from his lips to mine.
I am my lover's. I'm all he wants. I'm all the world to him!
Come, dear lover—let's tramp through the countryside.
Let's sleep at some wayside inn, then rise early and listen to bird-song.
Let's look for wildflowers in bloom, blackberry bushes blossoming white,
Fruit trees festooned with cascading flowers.
And there I'll give myself to you, my love to your love!
Love-apples drench us with fragrance, fertility surrounds, suffuses us,
Fruits fresh and preserved that I've kept and saved just for you, my love.
(The Message)

4. How do you feel when you realize this is what God’s Word has to say about sex—Shocked? Relieved? Not surprised? Why do you think God chose to include this book in His Word?

So, God is obviously not anti-sex, but because He wants the best life for us, He has set guidelines for us in the User’s Manual for our protection. But there is also another interested party (Satan) at work who tries to convince us that God is a kill-joy or is trying to keep us from enjoying some part of God’s creation.
In Eden, Satan tempted both man and woman as he does today.

Genesis 3:1-4
The serpent was clever, more clever than any wild animal GOD had made. He spoke to the Woman: "Do I understand that God told you not to eat from any tree in the garden?"
The Woman said to the serpent, "Not at all. We can eat from the trees in the garden. It's only about the tree in the middle of the garden that God said, 'Don't eat from it; don't even touch it or you'll die.'"
The serpent told the Woman, "You won't die. God knows that the moment you eat from that tree, you'll see what's really going on. You'll be just like God, knowing everything, ranging all the way from good to evil." (The Message)

5. How might you rewrite Genesis 3:1-4 to have Satan tempting someone to live together or commit a sexual sin?

Here is what the New Testament has to say about marriage and sex:

Hebrews 13:4
Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex.
(The Message)

6. What are some of the consequences of not living within the boundaries God has established when it comes to our lives?

Read the story of the woman caught in adultery in John.

John 8:1-11
Jesus went across to Mount Olives, but he was soon back in the Temple again. Swarms of people came to him. He sat down and taught them. The religion scholars and Pharisees led in a woman who had been caught in an act of adultery. They stood her in plain sight of everyone and said, "Teacher, this woman was caught red-handed in the act of adultery. Moses, in the Law, gives orders to stone such persons. What do you say?" They were trying to trap him into saying something incriminating so they could bring charges against him.
Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger in the dirt. They kept at him, badgering him. He straightened up and said, "The sinless one among you, go first: Throw the stone." Bending down again, he wrote some more in the dirt.
Hearing that, they walked away, one after another, beginning with the oldest. The woman was left alone. Jesus stood up and spoke to her. "Woman, where are they? Does no one condemn you?"

"No one, Master."

"Neither do I," said Jesus. "Go on your way. From now on, don't sin."
(The Message)

7. How did Jesus’ attitude toward that woman differ from that of the crowd?

8. How do you think that woman’s life changed after this encounter with Jesus?

9. Many of us feel like we have lived outside the boundaries in the past. What do you think Jesus would say to us?

10. Like the woman at the well, what things in your life would Jesus ask you to leave behind if he had a one on one encounter with you?

What’s Next
If you are involved in activities or a relationship that you know is not promoting God’s best for you, what steps can you take that would move you toward that “best life” that God intended for you to have?

Who can you seek out to give specific praise and encouragement for living in accordance to God’s guidelines?

Personal Journal and Reflection
Ephesians 5:33, Ephesians 5:3-5, Mark 10:6-9, 1 Corinthians 6:18-20, 1 Corinthians 7:1-2
How do your relationships honor God? In what areas do you struggle with living in accordance to God’s guidelines?
___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

Who can you pray for in your family? _____________________________
Who can you pray for at work or school? ______________________________
Who can you pray for in your neighborhood? _____________________________

“What’s Next?” Follow Up
Take a moment to revisit last week’s “What’s Next?” to see and hear how people have grown or have been challenged.

Big Idea
Teenagers need to be valued while at the same time held accountable for their choices.

Icebreaker
What was one thing you did to rebel as a teen?

Introduction
Ali left everything she was familiar with at home and moved to Africa, started an orphanage, and travels around the world bringing aid to orphans in impoverished areas.

Pat traveled to 32 cities to raise awareness of and recruit volunteers for the National Marrow Donors Program registry. He raised $140,000 and added 7,000 people to the donor list.

Dallas made a short film entitled “Just Yell Fire” that teaches 11-19 year old girls how to escape attackers. She then started a not for profit that distributed 500,000 free copies of the film and serves 41 countries.

Do you know what Ali, Pat, and Dallas all have in common? They are all teenagers; teenagers who have made a big difference. Teenagers do not all behave like the self-centered, lazy, partying, bad-choice-making tyrants depicted on television. In fact, some recent statistics showed that more teenagers volunteer (59%) than adults (49%).

1. In what other ways can teenagers make a difference?

2. Do you know a teenager who is making a difference? What kind of a difference are they making?

1 Timothy 4:12
Don't let anyone put you down because you're young. Teach believers with your life: by word, by demeanor, by love, by faith, by integrity. (The Message)

Read 1st Samuel 16:11-13 below. This passage takes place after God has sent Samuel to select the next king. God has told him that it will be one of Jesse’s sons, so Samuel asks Jesse to gather his sons together. Jesse calls in all of his sons, except his youngest, David.

Then Samuel asked Jesse, "Is this it? Are there no more sons?" "Well, yes, there's the runt. But he's out tending the sheep." Samuel ordered Jesse, "Go get him. We're not moving from this spot until he's here." 12 Jesse sent for him. He was brought in, the very picture of health— bright-eyed, good-looking. God said, "Up on your feet! Anoint him! This is the one." 13 Samuel took his flask of oil and anointed him, with his brothers standing around watching. The Spirit of God entered David like a rush of wind, God vitally empowering him for the rest of his life. (The Message)

In this passage God has directed Samuel to anoint David as the next king of Israel while he was still a teenager. Jesse did not see the potential in David and had left him in the fields tending the sheep when he was asked to gather his sons.

3. Why do you think Jesse didn’t see the potential in David?

4. What undiscovered potential do you feel you had as a teenager that went unnoticed?

5. What untapped potential do you see in a teen or someone else you know?

Here are Paul’s words to the Corinthians that could also apply to families:

1 Corinthians 12:20-26
What we have is one body with many parts, each its proper size and in its proper place. No part is important on its own. Can you imagine Eye telling Hand, "Get lost; I don't need you"? Or, Head telling Foot, "You're fired; your job has been phased out"? As a matter of fact, in practice it works the other way—the "lower" the part, the more basic, and therefore necessary. You can live without an eye, for instance, but not without a stomach. When it's a part of your own body you are concerned with, it makes no difference whether the part is visible or clothed, higher or lower. You give it dignity and honor just as it is, without comparisons. If anything, you have more concern for the lower parts than the higher. If you had to choose, wouldn't you prefer good digestion to full-bodied hair?
The way God designed our bodies is a model for understanding our lives together as a church: every part dependent on every other part, the parts we mention and the parts we don't, the parts we see and the parts we don't. If one part hurts, every other part is involved in the hurt, and in the healing. If one part flourishes, every other part enters into the exuberance. (The Message)
6. Think about a football team. Are there positions on the team that are given more honor? If so, why? Are there dispensable positions on the team? Why or why not?

7. Why might teenagers feel they are not important players in the family? At Church? Or at School?

8. What can we do to make teenagers feel like valued members of the community?

Sometimes even the best of teenagers make bad choices. In the book Boundaries With Teens, John Townsend expresses the importance of strong personal boundaries for parents of teens. He says “teens will develop self-control and responsibility to the extent that their parents have healthy boundaries…the more teens experience the negative consequences of their poor choices, the more internal structure and self-control they develop.”

Boundaries can be likened to a fence on a property line. Parents draw the line for their children and expect that it will not be crossed. The fence represents firmly stated behavioral expectations and consequences that need to exist in order to hold teens accountable for their choices.
9. What are some reasons parents might fall short when it comes to setting and/or maintaining boundaries for their teens?

10. Can you think of a time where you learned a valuable life lesson from suffering the consequence of a bad choice? If so, share it with the group.

“God made parents to be the guard rails on the twisting road of life. You need to be strong enough for kids to crash into over and over and over again. You must stay strong, so that your teens will learn to stay on track. Guard rails get dinged up. But if they work well, they preserve the young lives that run up against them.” - John Townsend

11. If you are a parent, in what ways can you be a guard rail for your child?

What’s Next
Teenagers who feel valued and needed are less inclined to rebel and more inclined to become responsible adults. Is there a teen you know that needs to be encouraged to develop their God given potential? If so, what can you do to help them?

Is there a teen you know who you can affirm for their lifestyle choices and commitment to Christ?

Personal Journal and Reflection
Isaiah 41:10, 2 Timothy 22-25, Exodus 20:12, Ecclesiastes 12:1, 1 Peter 5:5-9
What potential do you have that is currently being untapped? How can you see God’s strength to grow in an area you are weak?

___________________________________________________________________________

Who can you pray for in your family? _____________________________
Who can you pray for at work or school? ______________________________
Who can you pray for in your neighborhood? _____________________________

“What’s Next?” Follow Up
Take a moment to revisit last week’s “What’s Next?” to see and hear how people have grown or have been challenged.

Big Idea
Honor your parents regularly in meaningful ways.

Icebreaker
Who is or was your favorite TV parents?

Introduction
I have a friend whose mother-in-law, Gloria, made a lot of mistakes in her mothering. She isn’t known as the warmest person and she often used guilt to coerce her kids into behaving. But Gloria is being cared for in extraordinary ways now by her four kids. Her oldest daughter, Jane, would say she has many unresolved issues with her mom, and yet she spends hours each day caring for her physically and emotionally. Her other daughter, Mary, drives 3 hours almost every week to spend time with her mom and keep her connected to the family news. Gloria’s oldest son, Robert, lives on another continent, but has dedicated funds he was saving for his own retirement to pay for all of his mom’s living and health expenses. And her youngest son, Philip, lives in another part of the country, but spends countless hours on the phone talking with his mom about the same things over and over again.

Gloria now has Alzheimer’s and although her children would probably rather focus on their own lives, and spend time with their own children and grandchildren, they devote countless hours, precious energy and large amounts of money honoring their mother by caring for her.

1. How do you feel about this story?

a.    This story is inspiring; I would like to be this honoring to my parents.
b.    I’d like to be this honoring, but not sure how I’d be able to pull it off.
c.    Wow! All of the brothers and sisters pitched in. Amazing!
d.    Oh spare me; no kids do this for their parents anymore.
e.    Other: _______________________

Ephesians 6:1-3
Children, do what your parents tell you. This is only right. "Honor your father and mother" is the first commandment that has a promise attached to it, namely, "so you will live well and have a long life." (The Message)

2. What does it look like to “honor your father and mother”?

Sometimes we are so consumed with our lives that we don’t think we have time to give to our parents. Some of us have unresolved issues and the last thing we want to do is honor and respect them. But as Christ-followers we are called to follow Jesus’ example in all things. This includes honoring our parents. We don’t know a lot about Jesus and his relationship with his parents, but there are a few passages that give us a glimpse into their relationship.

Mary and Joseph were called at a young age (probably around 14) to do the extraordinary – parent the son of God. They were not married at the time and responded with total willingness to do whatever God asked of them. They had no idea what the next 33 years would hold. Nine months later Mary gave birth to the only perfect child who was ever born (although some grandparents might beg to differ). Although Joseph and Mary had to have been confused at many times, when shepherds and kings came to worship Jesus in Bethlehem the Bible says, “Mary kept all these things to herself, holding them dear, deep within herself.” (Luke 2:19)

We know Mary and Joseph went on to dedicate Jesus in the temple, that they fled to Egypt to protect him from Herod, and that they went to Jerusalem every year for the Feast of the Passover. We get a glimpse into their family in the book of Luke when Jesus was 12 and they lost track of him on the trip.

Luke 2:41-52
Every year Jesus' parents traveled to Jerusalem for the Feast of Passover. When he was twelve years old, they went up as they always did for the Feast. When it was over and they left for home, the child Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem, but his parents didn't know it. Thinking he was somewhere in the company of pilgrims, they journeyed for a whole day and then began looking for him among relatives and neighbors. When they didn't find him, they went back to Jerusalem looking for him.
The next day they found him in the Temple seated among the teachers, listening to them and asking questions. The teachers were all quite taken with him, impressed with the sharpness of his answers. But his parents were not impressed; they were upset and hurt.
His mother said, "Young man, why have you done this to us? Your father and I have been half out of our minds looking for you."
He said, "Why were you looking for me? Didn't you know that I had to be here, dealing with the things of my Father?" But they had no idea what he was talking about.
So he went back to Nazareth with them, and lived obediently with them. His mother held these things dearly, deep within herself. And Jesus matured, growing up in both body and spirit, blessed by both God and people. (The Message)

3. How do you think Mary and Joseph felt when they had to spend days searching for Jesus?

4. What do you think Jesus was trying to communicate to his parents when He says, “Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house”?

5. How can we speak truth into our parents’ lives, but still do it in an honoring way?

The next time we encounter interaction between Jesus and his parents is with Mary and Jesus at the wedding feast from the book of John when Jesus performs his first miracle.

John 2:1-5
Three days later there was a wedding in the village of Cana in Galilee. Jesus' mother was there. Jesus and his disciples were guests also. When they started running low on wine at the wedding banquet, Jesus' mother told him, "They're just about out of wine."
Jesus said, "Is that any of our business, Mother—yours or mine? This isn't my time. Don't push me."
She went ahead anyway, telling the servants, "Whatever he tells you, do it."
Six stoneware water pots were there, used by the Jews for ritual washings. Each held twenty to thirty gallons. Jesus ordered the servants, "Fill the pots with water." And they filled them to the brim.
"Now fill your pitchers and take them to the host," Jesus said, and they did. (The Message)
6. What do you learn about Jesus and His mother from this passage? How is honor shown?

7. As we look back, many of us find it easy to focus on what our parents did wrong, but there probably are some things they got right. What are some things your parents did right?

Jesus has his final opportunity to honor his mother while on the cross.

John 19:25-27
While the soldiers were looking after themselves, Jesus' mother, his aunt, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene stood at the foot of the cross. Jesus saw his mother and the disciple he loved standing near her. He said to his mother, "Woman, here is your son." Then to the disciple, "Here is your mother." From that moment the disciple accepted her as his own mother.
(The Message)

Even in his most difficult final moments, Jesus considers His mother’s needs and seeks to make His mother proud.
8. If your parents are still living, what are some of their needs at this stage in their life?

9. No matter how difficult and busy your life gets what are some ways you can take the time to honor your parents and meet their needs? Of if one of your parents or both are no longer living, how can you honor their memory?

What’s Next
Choose one of these to pray about and act on this week.

•    Would your parents say they feel or felt honored by you?
•    Do you need to reframe the way you think about your parents?
•    Do your parents have a need that you could meet?
•    Do you need to work on speaking the truth in love to your parents?
•    If your parent or parents have passed away, is there a parent that you could encourage or meet a need for this week?

Personal Journal and Reflection
Exodus 20:12, Psalm 103:13, Colossians 3:21, Proverbs 13:24, Deuteronomy 11:18-19
How can you honor your “Almighty Father”? How have you shown Christ to those who are older than you?

___________________________________________________________________________

Who can you pray for in your family? _____________________________
Who can you pray for at work or school? ______________________________
Who can you pray for in your neighborhood? _____________________________

“What’s Next?” Follow Up
Take a moment to revisit last week’s “What’s Next?” to see and hear how people have grown or have been challenged.

* This session is addressed to the currently married person. If you are divorced, we understand that there are circumstances that dictate an end to a relationship. God sets the standard that marriage is a lifetime commitment between two people but there are times when one person or both are no longer committed to making things work. We believe that God wishes us to expend all possible options before deciding on divorce but extends grace and compassion in situations that cannot be resolved. If you are in an abusive relationship, some of these principles will not apply to you and your situation. For further information on divorce recovery, saving a marriage, or additional counseling contact the following:
Divorce Care – Lauri Gordon ▫ dc@keystonecc.org
Restoring the Gift – Kim DeWitt ▫ okdewit@charter.net
Counseling - Contact a Keystone Staff member

Big Idea
Marriage, as created by God, is a lifetime commitment that changes and transforms us as we serve our spouse.

Icebreaker
What’s the best wedding you have ever been to? Why?

Introduction
Here are some statistics on divorce in the USA found on divorce.org.

•    Divorce rate in America after first marriage is from 41% to 50%.
•    US divorce rate after second marriage is from 60% to 67%
•    After 3 marriages the US divorce rate is from 73% to 74%
•    Children of divorced parents are 4 times more likely to get divorce than children of couples who are not divorced

1.    What is your reaction to these statistics?
a.    These numbers are higher than I expected
b.    These numbers are lower than I expected
c.    Some of these people should have tried to fix the first marriage instead of trying again with someone new
d.    Children are impacted by their parents’ divorce for a long time.
e.    This needs to change

God often gets a bad rap when it comes to divorce. God speaks firmly about divorce not because he dislikes people who get divorced but because he dislikes the consequences, pain, anger, and hurt that come with it. God sees marriage as a union between two parties. When two things, people or otherwise, become one it is impossible to separate them without damage and it is impossible for either to ever be the same as they were prior to becoming one.

Matthew 19:1-9
When Jesus had completed these teachings, he left Galilee and crossed the region of Judea on the other side of the Jordan. Great crowds followed him there, and he healed them. 3One day the Pharisees were badgering him: "Is it legal for a man to divorce his wife for any reason?"
He answered, "Haven't you read in your Bible that the Creator originally made man and woman for each other, male and female? And because of this, a man leaves father and mother and is firmly bonded to his wife, becoming one flesh—no longer two bodies but one. Because God created this organic union of the two sexes, no one should desecrate his art by cutting them apart."
They shot back in rebuttal, "If that's so, why did Moses give instructions for divorce papers and divorce procedures?"
Jesus said, "Moses provided for divorce as a concession to your hard heartedness, but it is not part of God's original plan. I'm holding you to the original plan, and holding you liable for adultery if you divorce your faithful wife and then marry someone else. I make an exception in cases where the spouse has committed adultery." (The Message)
2. What aspects of marriage does Jesus emphasize in this passage?

The Pharisees viewed divorce as a legal issue rather than a spiritual issue and by saying Moses “permitted” a man to divorce his wife was not giving full consideration to why Moses wrote the law concerning divorce. It was quite common for women to be treated as property and simply “thrown out” by their husbands. The divorce laws required a man to write a certificate of divorce which made men think twice about divorcing their wives.

3. Do you view marriage as a legal agreement or a spiritual commitment? Why?

Joshua 24:15
But if you refuse to serve the LORD, then choose today whom you will serve. Would you prefer the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates? Or will it be the gods of the Amorites in whose land you now live? But as for me and my family, we will serve the LORD. (NLT)

Those who say, “But as for me and my family we will serve the LORD” are people who understand the God-ordained purpose of marriage as a relationship that calls you to find purpose and transformation through serving the person you are committed to. Some people say “Marriage is not meant to make you happy, it’s meant to make you holy”. If being “holy” means becoming a person who is transformed into the person they were created to be in Christ through service to their spouse, then marriage is meant to make you holy.

4. How do you think marriage can make us more like Christ?

5. In what ways does your marriage make you more like Christ?

Ephesians 5:21-25
Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another.

Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.

Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor—since they're already "one" in marriage.
(The Message)

6. What is your reaction to this passage?

7. What are some practical ways that spouses can love each by serving each other?

Ecclesiastes 4:12
A three-stranded rope isn't easily snapped. (The Message)

Ecclesiastes 4:12 is often used at weddings as part of the ceremony and often couples will physically take 3 cords and braid them together. For Christ followers, marriage is meant to be a union of three people – husband, wife, and God.

8. How might the union of two vs. the union of three impact the way couples approach their relationship, commitment, and conflict in marriage?

Life is hard, marriage is hard, we mess up; we need help, we need grace, we need forgiveness. Marriage will not always be easy—it will require hard work. But it is sacred, an incredible blessing set up by God Himself. And He’s even more committed to making our marriage last than we are! We need to move to a place where divorce is not even an option, but where we remain committed to working through any conflict, no matter how difficult, with God’s help. We need to remain a “three stranded rope” keeping God always as the foundation.

What’s Next
Which of the following fits you and your relationship? What action will you take?

•    Do you need to extend forgiveness or grace to someone else?
•    Do you need to receive forgiveness and grace yourself?
•    If you’re not married, what are some practical ways to encourage a married couple you know?
•    If you are married and struggling what is one step you can take this week to begin to transform your relationship?
•    If your marriage is going well (this week ☺ ) what is what is one way you can affirm your spouse?
•    If you are divorced is there a step you need to take on the road to healing?
•    Is there a way this small group could support you in taking the steps you need to take?

Personal Journal and Reflection
1 Corinthians 13, Mark 13:25, Romans 12:18, Ecclesiastes 9:9, 1 Peter 3:7
How does God’s grace affect your daily life? What things do you feel God has forgiven you for? What things do you feel you need to ask forgiveness for?
___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

Who can you pray for in your family? _____________________________
Who can you pray for at work or school? ______________________________
Who can you pray for in your neighborhood? _____________________________

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In Times Like These: Series Discussion Guide

Series Introduction
In Times Like These is a series about the basic training we need to prepare and deal with turbulent times. There are plenty of opinions and places to turn when we need answers, but there is only one place to go for what’s best: God. Spending time in the presence of God, interacting with the people God has placed in our lives, and looking toward a hope-filled future are the three key elements to surviving life’s toughest times.

Big Idea
God's presence is the best place to turn for answers.

Icebreaker
What is the worst/funniest thing that has happened to you while camping or while in the wilderness?

Introduction
Did you know there is a survival kit for everything? For example: Winter survival kit, Wedding survival kit, Car Emergency survival kit, Business Emergency survival kit, Camping survival kit, Natural Disaster survival kit, etc.

When it comes to everyday life, where do we turn for answers? Is there a survival kit for life? Survival kits are generally created by experts in the area, someone who has been in a situation where it would have been nice to have a kit for survival–the people “who wrote the book on the subject.” Unfortunately when it comes to everyday life, we spend a lot of time searching the internet, asking everybody around us, looking to the news, and browsing self-help books; but we rarely consult the one who wrote the book on the subject, God. Our survival kit is found in the Bible. In times like these, good or bad, we need to turn to the lessons in the Bible for survival.

Read 1 Kings 19:1-4 (The Message)
Ahab reported to Jezebel everything that Elijah had done, including the massacre of the prophets. Jezebel immediately sent a messenger to Elijah with her threat: "The gods will get you for this and I'll get even with you! By this time tomorrow you'll be as dead as any one of those prophets."
When Elijah saw how things were, he ran for dear life to Beersheba, far in the south of Judah. He left his young servant there and then went on into the desert another day's journey. He came to a lone broom bush and collapsed in its shade, wanting in the worst way to be done with it all—to just die: "Enough of this, GOD! Take my life—I'm ready to join my ancestors in the grave!"
Elijah was known as the greatest of all prophets. He had just experienced the 2 greatest spiritual victories of his lifetime, the defeat of the prophets of Baal and the answered prayer for rain. But yet he feels alone, afraid, discouraged and depressed. Why? Well we read in the passage above in verse 2 that Elijah finds that his life is being threatened.

1.    When you face tough times, how do you tend to react? Why do you think that is?
a.    Run and hide
b.    Puff up your chest and confront them
c.    Back down and take it
d.    Communicate in a healthy way
e.    Curl up in a ball and cry
f.    Other: ________________

2. Have there been times in your life where you have said, “I have had enough.” to God? Describe that time in your life and how you dealt with it.

Most of us have been through times like these when we feel alone, scared and depressed like Elijah. During these turbulent times, we want to throw our hands up in the air and shout, “Alright, I give up. I can’t take anymore.” Most often it’s because we aren’t equipped or trained with the tools we need to lead us through. By looking to the Bible we can create a solid foundation that holds true when tough times come. Its been said that we will all fall in our lives but you know how close you are to God by how quickly you get back up!

Read 1 Kings 19:11-15 (The Message)
Then he was told, "Go, stand on the mountain at attention before GOD. GOD will pass by." A hurricane wind ripped through the mountains and shattered the rocks before GOD, but GOD wasn't to be found in the wind; after the wind an earthquake, but GOD wasn't in the earthquake; and after the earthquake fire, but GOD wasn't in the fire; and after the fire a gentle and quiet whisper.

When Elijah heard the quiet voice, he muffled his face with his great cloak, went to the mouth of the cave, and stood there. A quiet voice asked, "So Elijah, now tell me, what are you doing here?" Elijah said it again, "I've been working my heart out for GOD, the GOD-of-the-Angel-Armies, because the people of Israel have abandoned your covenant, destroyed your places of worship, and murdered your prophets. I'm the only one left, and now they're trying to kill me."

GOD said, "Go back the way you came through the desert to Damascus. When you get there anoint Hazael; make him king over Aram. Then anoint Jehu son of Nimshi; make him king over Israel. Finally, anoint Elisha son of Shaphat from Abel Meholah to succeed you as prophet.

3. Share your observations from this passage about how God spoke to Elijah. What did God’s response communicate to Elijah?

Elijah didn’t experience God through His power, the earthquake, wind or fire but he experienced God’s PRESENCE through a gentle whisper. God heard and understood Elijah’s concerns but His response was firm and to the point. In the moment, Elijah probably would have rather had God say “It’s okay. You’re right those people are mean and have treated you poorly. Let me take care of it.” But instead God heard him, and gave him some answers on what to do but left it up to Elijah to respond. Realize that God’s answer put Elijah face to face with his fears.

4. When was the last time you experienced God’s presence in your life? Describe that time and how it felt?

5. How would your life change if you heard from God every day? How do you think it would change the face of the church if more people were making decisions based on God’s presence?

6. Read the following quotes about God’s presence and pick your favorite and share why.

“Just remaining quietly in the presence of God, listening to Him, being attentive to Him, requires a lot of courage and know-how.” - Thomas Merton

“Security is not the absence of danger, but the presence of God, no matter what the danger.” - Author Unknown

“Peace is not the absence of affliction, but the presence of God.” - Author Unknown

7. What steps could you take to focus more on God and less on the troubles in your life?

When we focus more on finding God and less on our trials during the tough times, we grow closer to Him. When we focus more on God in our good times, we give credit where credit is due and protect ourselves from a number of pitfalls. We can experience a peace beyond anything we can imagine and our lives can become more about praising Him and having a relationship with Christ if we read the survival kit before entering the “woods” and refer to it often along the way.

What’s Next
Over the next week set aside time each day to be in God’s presence. Each time read a selection from the Bible, reflect/journal about the selection, and pray. Use the personal journal page to help guide this time.

Personal Journal and Reflection
Romans 8:28, Philippians 4:6, Jeremiah 29:11, Ephesians 6:10-18, 2 Corinthians 12: 7-10
What does God’s presence in your life look like now? How would you like it to look? What things will you do to move closer to God?

___________________________________________________________________________

Who can you pray for in your family? _____________________________
Who can you pray for at work or school? ______________________________
Who can you pray for in your neighborhood? _____________________________

“What’s Next?” Follow Up
Take a moment to revisit last week’s “What’s Next?” to see and hear how people have grown or have been challenged.

Big Idea
God challenges us to reach out to the people around us for support and strength.

Icebreaker
If you could call on any superhero in a time of need, who would you call? Why?

Introduction
One of the number one mistakes we make in life is to go it alone. We’re an individualistic society, we don’t like people to know how badly we are struggling or share in our blessings with others. We were created to reach out to God’s people to share in good times and bad. God has put people in our lives with a purpose, and we need to be developing these relationships on a regular basis so that we are prepared to support each other when tough times do come and celebrate our blessings when good times come.

Read Exodus 17:8-13 (The Message)
Amalek came and fought Israel at Rephidim. Moses ordered Joshua: "Select some men for us and go out and fight Amalek. Tomorrow I will take my stand on top of the hill holding God's staff."

Joshua did what Moses ordered in order to fight Amalek. And Moses, Aaron, and Hur went to the top of the hill. It turned out that whenever Moses raised his hands, Israel was winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, Amalek was winning. But Moses' hands got tired. So they got a stone and set it under him. He sat on it and Aaron and Hur held up his hands, one on each side. So his hands remained steady until the sun went down. Joshua defeated Amalek and its army in battle.
Notice that Moses took Aaron and Hur with him to the top of the hill. This was an important calling from God and Moses wanted the support of his friends right by his side.
1. Is it easy or difficult for you to reach out and ask for help during tough times? What makes it easy or difficult to do so in your life?

2. What benefits have you experienced or seen as a result of reaching out during tough times?

Although Aaron and Hur could not change Moses’ circumstance, they found a way to support, encourage and love Moses through it! They couldn’t take on the problem by holding up the staff for him so they decided to support Moses by standing by his side and doing whatever he needed.

3. How do you think Moses felt as he sat there tired and struggling to hold up the staff when his friends came by his side and held up his arms?

4. Share a time when you wanted to fix or change a problem for someone close to you. What did you decide to do and how did that affect the issue or the relationship?

Read Galatians 6:2 (NIV)
Carry each other’s burdens and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

Read Galatians 6:2 (The Message)
Stoop down and REACH OUT to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ’s law.

We can see in this verse that Jesus did not want us to do life all alone. We see throughout scripture how Jesus spent time with a small group of people He called His disciples. Jesus told his disciples during that time to love each other the way that He had loved them. Jesus provided us with clear examples of authentic relationships through His relationship with His disciples. He wanted us to grow close to others so that we could grow closer to Him.

5. When was the last time you experienced carrying someone’s burdens or allowed someone to carry your burdens? How did it feel?

We will all face tough times. If we build a foundation on God and others we will stand firm during those times. We can refresh each other by supporting one another through prayer and encouragement. We will find strength in knowing God is on our side. By reaching out to others we become stronger and better able to serve and experience God.

6. Are you or someone you know going through a tough time right now? Who knows about it? How can the people around you support you in your tough time or how can you help someone you know?

What’s Next
Write down the name of a friend or family member that you should connect with this week. Call this person and intentionally seek to make the topic of your conversation about what’s going on in their life. Ask them how you can support and encourage them through prayer.

Personal Journal and Reflection
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, John 15:12-15, Proverbs 17:17, Proverbs 27:17, 1 John 3:16
What people have helped you through tough times? Who would turn to you in a time of need? What can you do to build stronger relationships in order to prepare for tough times?
___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

Who can you pray for in your family? _____________________________
Who can you pray for at work or school? ______________________________
Who can you pray for in your neighborhood? _____________________________

“What’s Next?” Follow Up
Take a moment to revisit last week’s “What’s Next?” to see and hear how people have grown or have been challenged.

Big Idea
God's promises give us hope for the future.

Icebreaker
If you could choose one thing to take with you for eternity, what would it be and why?

Introduction
Webster’s definition of “hope” is to cherish a desire with anticipation, to expect with confidence. Synonyms for “hope” are “anticipate” and “await.” Every day life often takes the focus off the hope we have in Christ and replaces it with fear and doubt as we look at each individual circumstance. God has a much bigger picture in mind and sees how the individual circumstances will shape us and mold us, as well as create a desire and expectation of a brighter future.

Read 2 Corinthians 11:23-27
I've worked much harder, been jailed more often, beaten up more times than I can count, and at death's door time after time. I've been flogged five times with the Jews' thirty-nine lashes, beaten by Roman rods three times, pummeled with rocks once. I've been shipwrecked three times, and immersed in the open sea for a night and a day. In hard traveling year in and year out, I've had to ford rivers, fend off robbers, struggle with friends, struggle with foes. I've been at risk in the city, at risk in the country, endangered by desert sun and sea storm, and betrayed by those I thought were my brothers. I've known drudgery and hard labor, many a long and lonely night without sleep, many a missed meal, blasted by the cold, naked to the weather.
1. Describe what it must feel like to be Paul. Would you have hope in these situations? Why or why not?

Very few people can name off a list of trials and tribulations quite like Paul. Being beaten, hunted, threatened, and on the verge of death would cause most of us to question our purpose and our God. Yet Paul had an eternal focus and a purpose filled life.

Read 2 Corinthians 4:15-18
Every detail works to your advantage and to God's glory: more and more grace, more and more people, more and more praise!

So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever.
In this letter that Paul was writing to the Romans, he expresses his deep desire and concern for their spiritual progress. He had such a passion to convey this through his writing and the way he lived that he often sacrificed many of the things we take for granted (peace, comfort, safety, etc), which makes his message even more real and credible.
2. Have you ever viewed your tough times as having the possibility of bringing glory to God? Why or why not?

3. Paul was able to balance the momentary troubles he was living with the value and hope of spending eternity with Christ, how do you think he was able to do that in the midst of so many trials and struggles? Have you been able to do that in your own life?

4. What things give you hope?

Read 1 Corinthians 2:9-10 (The Message)
We, of course, have plenty of wisdom to pass on to you once you get your feet on firm spiritual ground, but it's not popular wisdom, the fashionable wisdom of high-priced experts that will be out-of-date in a year or so. God's wisdom is something mysterious that goes deep into the interior of his purposes. You don't find it lying around on the surface. It's not the latest message, but more like the oldest—what God determined as the way to bring out his best in us, long before we ever arrived on the scene. The experts of our day haven't a clue about what this eternal plan is. If they had, they wouldn't have killed the Master of the God-designed life on a cross.

The Life Application Bible comments on this passage perfectly. It says,”We cannot imagine all that God has in store for us, both in this life and for eternity. He will create a new heaven and a new earth (Isaiah 65:17, Revelation 21:1) and we will live with him forever. Until then, his Holy Spirit comforts and guides us. Knowing the wonderful and eternal future that awaits us gives us hope and courage to press on in this life, to endure hardship and to avoid giving into temptation. This world is not all there is. The best is yet to come.”

5. What are your reactions to eternity?

The lyrics from the song “I Can Only Imagine” by Mercy Me are one of the best ways to capture the idea of eternity and some of the feelings associated with it.

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By your side

I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When your face
Is before me
I can only imagine

Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You

6. In your wildest dreams and imagination describe what you think it will be like when you finally spend an eternity with God.

What’s Next
Commit this week to replace watching tv, reading the newspaper, and checking news on the internet with reading the Bible, praying, or listening to a positive message or music. See if your outlook shifts toward a more hopeful perspective.

Personal Journal and Reflection
Psalm 39:7, Psalm 71:5, Jeremiah 17:7, Romans 5:1-5, Romans 12:12
What things bring you hope? What questions do you have about eternity with God? What can you learn from the trials you are facing right now?

___________________________________________________________________________

Who can you pray for in your family? _____________________________
Who can you pray for at work or school? ______________________________
Who can you pray for in your neighborhood? _____________________________

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Losing My Religion: Series Discussion Guide

Week 1: FINDING JESUS
Big Idea Ditching the rules and rituals that come with religion is the first step to a relationship with God that can only be achieved by finding Jesus and embracing reconciliation.

Ice Breaker
Challenge each other to a game of “Would You Rather.” For example: Would you rather pay to see the same good movie over and over, or watch only terrible movies for free? Would you rather suffer third-degree burns or lose both legs in a shark attack?

Have It Your Way Burger King made the slogan “Have it your way” extremely popular. Although it is nice to be able to order a burger without pickles, upgrade to larger size fry, or substitute a shake for a soft drink, we as a culture didn’t limit this kind of thinking to our fast food ordering preferences. We have taken this concept of “Would you like pickles on that?” to finding an aspect of religion that we like, omitting anything that we don’t and we get a custom ala carte menu of religion that fits our own taste.

1. Give some examples of places or times where you have been able to pick and choose.
2. Why do you think people approach religion in this manner?
3. What aspects of Christianity/religion would you rather do without? Why?

Consumer Christianity It is easy for us to gravitate to a mix-and-match religion because it is so amenable and convenient. But how does this consumer approach to religion affect those who seek to follow Christ? Consider some of these thoughts on consumer faith.

In his book The Empty Church, historian Thomas C. Reeves says: "Christianity in modern America . . . tends to be easy, upbeat, convenient, and compatible. It does not require self-sacrifice, discipline, humility, an otherworldly outlook, a zeal for souls, a fear as well as love of God.” Another Christian writer put it this way: “Consumerism feels like ‘being true to myself’ or ‘choosing what rings true to me,’ but it’s actually isolated, lonely and culture-bound.”

Efrem Smith, a pastor from Minneapolis said this: “I’m very concerned about the continual influence of consumerism Christianity and a Christianity that is very self-centered. . . . It limits the Gospel message and keeps us from kingdom community and reconciliation.”

4. Do you agree or disagree with the ideas presented in these statements? Why or why not? 5. How would you describe your attitude when it comes to faith, especially in Jesus? Explain.
a. Bargain shopper. I look for the best elements of all faiths, not just Christianity.
b. Cheap. I don’t buy into any form of religion because I’m skeptical of it.
c. Clearance rack. I only look for God when something bad happens to me.
d. Disgruntled customer. I tried God, but he really let me down.
e. Loyal customer. I try my best to trust and obey whatever Jesus says.
f. New product. I’ve grown to appreciate Jesus, but I’m still learning about him.
g. Thrifty. Church is good for me, but I’m not a fanatic who takes it too seriously.
h. Other.

Would You Rather. . . Have Religion or Relationship? We must begin to recognize that Christ following is inherently about a relationship with God, through Jesus. It is not a set of rules that keep us doing the right things. The Bible shows a difference between consumer—“Have it your way”—religion and true Christ following by introducing the important relational concept of reconciliation as shown in the Colossians verse below.

Read Colossians 1:21-27 (The Message) You yourselves are a case study of what he does. At one time you all had your backs turned to God, thinking rebellious thoughts of him, giving him trouble every chance you got. But now, by giving himself completely at the Cross, actually dying for you, Christ brought you over to God's side and put your lives together, whole and holy in his presence. You don't walk away from a gift like that! You stay grounded and steady in that bond of trust, constantly tuned in to the Message, careful not to be distracted or diverted...This mystery has been kept in the dark for a long time, but now it's out in the open...The mystery in a nutshell is just this: Christ is in you, so therefore you can look forward to sharing in God's glory.

It's that simple. While this verse paints an incredible picture of reconciliation, Webster’s dictionary defines it as the process of restoring to friendship. Christ following is about our friendship with Jesus. It is personal and without pretense. It is motivated by our response to His loving sacrifice, while religion is often motivated by what makes us feel good, what fits our lives, and how we can tip the scale for our earthly and eternal benefit. Religion is our human attempt of understanding God by defining our way, our truth, and how we live.
6. What is religion to you? How would you define it?
7. How would you define a relationship with Christ?
8. What are some effective ways to change from a consumerist (what’s in it for me) attitude to a Christ-following (relationship with Jesus) attitude?

What’s Next? Pick one of the following ways to pursue a more personal experience with Jesus this week (Bible reading, Prayer, Generosity, Communion with others, Contributing in church, or Serving others). Commit for this week to become better at this one thing. Personal Journal and Reflection How can you further your relationship with Christ and grow closer to God? What verses in the Bible to find helpful in this pursuit of a closer relationship with God?

Session 2 FINDING FREEDOM

Follow Up Take a moment to revisit last week’s “What’s Next?” to see and hear how people have grown or have been challenged.

Big Idea God has replaced our guilt and shame with right living and friendship putting us in a right relationship where we can find freedom based on His grace that is given as a gift.

Ice Breaker How do you typically pack for a trip? • Take everything, just in case? • Pack light? • Make a check-list and double check it? • Do your best to remember, but you always forget something? • Other: ______?

The Baggage of Our Journey Everyone has a different style of packing. Some people like to pack three bags for a weekend getaway. Others prefer to pack just the bare necessities for survival. On our life’s journey there are many things we “pack:” skills, relationships, experiences, and memories. These enhance our lives and keep us motivated for the future. Yet there are other things that we shove into our bags: mistakes, hurts, disappointments, and failures. These things weigh heavily on us, producing guilt and shame, and keeping us from enjoying life. As we seek to understand the baggage we carry, we cannot overlook the religious baggage we may be holding. Any time we focus on rules to define our spirituality, we may actually pack heavy bags that slow us down from experiencing the true life of Jesus.
1. Describe your religious upbringing or the religious upbringing of someone you know.
2. Have you ever been affected by religious rules or duties? Explain.
3. What positive or negative experiences from your background do you think influence the way you view religion? Or, what positive or negative experiences from religion influence the way you view your life?

God, Am I Good Enough? Do you remember playing freeze tag as a child? When you got tagged by the person who was “it,” you pretended to be frozen and couldn’t move until a free person tagged you. Sometimes we experience this type of captivity in faith. We may often feel the frustrating grip of religious legalism: striving to maintain a high standard of goodness, right living, morality, or modesty. It is an unfortunate reality found in many religions and even in many churches that makes us feel like we are never good enough.

Read Colossians 2:8:10 (The Message) Watch out for people who try to dazzle you with big words and intellectual double-talk. They want to drag you off into endless arguments that never amount to anything. They spread their ideas through the empty traditions of human beings and the empty superstitions of spirit beings. But that's not the way of Christ. Everything of God gets expressed in him, so you can see and hear him clearly.

You don't need a telescope, a microscope, or a horoscope to realize the fullness of Christ, and the emptiness of the universe without him. When you come to him, that fullness comes together for you, too. His power extends over everything. Furthermore, Christian author C.S. Lewis adds: “I think all Christians would agree with me if I said that though Christianity seems at first to be all about morality, all about duties and rules and guilt and virtue, yet it leads you on, out of all that, into something beyond.” 4. How do you interpret the statement that Lewis makes?

Read Colossians 2:13-14 (The Message) Entering into this fullness is not something you figure out or achieve. It's not a matter of being circumcised or keeping a long list of laws. No, you're already in—insiders—not through some secretive initiation rite but rather through what Christ has already gone through for you, destroying the power of sin.

5. What do you think it means to be “in”?

Going Beyond Rules Guilt and shame tears us away from God, making us believe we are unworthy. Do you remember that something beyond from the C.S. Lewis quote above? That “something” is the reality that God has replaced our guilt and shame with righteousness (right living) and reconciliation (friendship). This act of God which puts us in a right relationship with Him is based on grace and is a free gift. You can't earn it or do the right things to obtain it. We have to go beyond human rules to get that.

Read Colossians 2:18-23 (The Message) Don't tolerate people who try to run your life, ordering you to bow and scrape, insisting that you join their obsession with angels and that you seek out visions. They're a lot of hot air, that's all they are. They're completely out of touch with the source of life, Christ, who puts us together in one piece, whose very breath and blood flow through us. He is the Head and we are the body.

We can grow up healthy in God only as he nourishes us. So, then, if with Christ you've put all that pretentious and infantile religion behind you, why do you let yourselves be bullied by it? "Don't touch this! Don't taste that! Don't go near this!" Do you think things that are here today and gone tomorrow are worth that kind of attention? Such things sound impressive if said in a deep enough voice. They even give the illusion of being pious and humble and ascetic. But they're just another way of showing off, making yourselves look important.

6. Describe the kind of spiritual baggage you currently have? Explain.
a. Carry-on only. I don’t like to get too involved in faith or religion.
b. Lost luggage. Somehow I lost track of my faith in God.
c. Suitcase with wheels. I’ve had tough experiences, but God has really helped me.
d. Too many bags. Many disappointments have weighed my faith down.
e. Under-packed. I don’t have enough of the right resources in my life to pursue faith.
f. Other. _________________________.

What’s Next Set aside time each day to read the following verses. Seek to release your negative baggage to Jesus and then find the right things in these verses that you want to begin carrying with you on your journey with Jesus.
Monday: Colossians 2:1-23
Tuesday: Galatians 5:1-16
Wednesday: Romans 3:21-26
Thursday: Psalm 32
Friday: Psalm 51
Saturday: Psalm 103 Sunday: Psalm 142

Personal Journal and Reflection How do you want to change your religious baggage? What should you pack more of? What should you leave behind? Finish by writing a prayer of thanks to God for sending Jesus to take our guilt and shame away, allowing us to be His friends.

Session 3 FINDING LIFE
Follow Up Take a moment to revisit last week’s “What’s Next?” to see and hear how people have grown or have been challenged.

Big Idea Many of us follow trends and fashions that determine how we live but Jesus came to show us a better, different way to live so that we may find life through his example which has yet to become unfashionable.

Ice Breaker Take a look at the following old photos. What were some popular brands or styles that you enjoyed when you were younger? The Fabric of Our Lives Going through an old yearbook or photo album is always fun. It takes us back in time and reminds us of clothes and hairstyles that once looked good on us. We were stylish then. But what once was fashionable doesn’t look so good anymore. It fell out of style. So we laugh at our big hair, funny glasses, strange shirts, and silly shoes. “Why did I wear that?” we may ask. Life in general is the same way. There are attitudes and behaviors from the past that once seemed like a good way of doing things, but not so much anymore. Ways of thinking often change in culture as time goes on. And even our own personal ways of thinking change as we grow older. Sometimes we may find ourselves asking, “Why did I ever do that?”

1. When you look at old photos of yourself, what do feel or say?
a. Embarrassed. “Put those pictures away. I looked ridiculous!”
b. Proud. “Look how cool I was: smooth and stylish!”
c. Analytical. “I was going through a phase.”
d. Hopeful. “I can’t wait for that style to come back!”
e. Other. _________________________.

2. What are some ways of thinking in our culture that you have seen go “out of style”?
3. What kinds of thinking are currently “in style”? What types of thinking in today’s culture might you like see go “out of style”?

4. Share about an attitude or action from your past that you chose to “make out of style”?

Putting Yourself Out of Style Paul, the author of Colossians, points to a new way of approaching life, a new life “style” that Jesus offers. While this passage may seem very religious, full of “do’s” and “don’ts,” it actually presents an interesting picture of the many things in life that seem “stylish.” It reminds us of how we often shop for self-fulfilling pleasures in life. But these things are like expensive clothes that wear out very quickly. These “expensive” lifestyles end up being cheap things that leave us vain and empty. They are expensive because they disrupt and hurt all aspects of life: relationships, jobs, personal goals, faith, etc.

Read Colossians 3:1-8 (The Message) So if you're serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that's where the action is. See things from his perspective. Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life…is with Christ in God. He is your life. And that means killing off everything connected with that way of death: sexual promiscuity, impurity, lust, doing whatever you feel like whenever you feel like it, and grabbing whatever attracts your fancy. That's a life shaped by things and feelings instead of by God. But you know better now, so make sure it's all gone for good: bad temper, irritability, meanness, profanity, dirty talk.

5. Look back at the passage. What do you think are the “things right in front of you” to which Paul refers?
6. As a Christ follower, how can you “be alert to what is going on around Christ”?

Christ-Brand Apparel What we wear tells a lot about who we are. Likewise, so do the actions that we wear. So Paul tells us to have an eye for the right kind of “fashion.” He tells us to get a new style of behavior—a Christ-brand style.

Read Colossians 3:9-14 (The Message) Don't lie to one another. You're done with that old life. It's like a filthy set of ill-fitting clothes you've stripped off and put in the fire. Now you're dressed in a new wardrobe. Every item of your new way of life is custom-made by the Creator, with his label on it. All the old fashions are now obsolete. So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.

7. Which of the attributes listed “in the wardrobe God picked out for you” are most appealing? Which are the most difficult for you to “put on”

What’s Next? Just as you pick an outfit to wear for each day of the week, take a moment to plan your “spiritual wardrobe” this week. Each day choose to “put on” and practice a different characteristic of Christ as mentioned above (i.e., compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline, even-temperament, selflessness, forgiveness, thankfulness, harmony, encouragement, worship, love, etc.). Practicing these attributes is not about doing the right thing and living by the rules, rather it is about becoming more like Jesus.
Plan your wardrobe below:
Sunday –
Monday –
Tuesday –
Wednesday –
Thursday –
Friday –
Saturday –

Personal Journal and Reflection What are those cheap fashions of life “right in front of you” that hinder you from the lifestyle of Christ? How does God want to clothe you with the lifestyle of Christ (i.e. compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline, even-temperament)?

Session 4 FINDING PEOPLE

Follow Up Take a moment to revisit last week’s “What’s Next?” to see and hear how people have grown or have been challenged.

Big Idea The defining characteristic of a Christ follower is love for others; therefore, we find God and grow closer to Him through the good we find in people because we are created in His image.

Ice Breaker Look at the following photos. What do you think is the story behind each of these images? Why? Background Characters When you watch a movie or are out in public, do you ever pay attention to the people in the background? Admittedly, it is easy for us to think of ourselves as the stars of our own dramas, and all others as supporting cast or extras which makes it tough for us to notice those around us. Besides friends and family, we interact with lots of people each day: cashiers, bus drivers, servers, bank tellers, traffic commuters, neighbors, etc.

Often we interact with these people without ever exchanging a word or looking them in the eye. And when we do notice people, it is easy to notice them on a shallow level: Are they attractive? Are they wearing an ugly outfit? Do they look rich? Do they look poor? Did they show good customer service? But it is harder to ask the following questions: What are they really like? What do they experience on a daily basis? Do they have a good life? What is their story?

1. Share about a time when you completely misjudged someone or have been misjudged yourself based on how they looked or acted?
2. What are some ways that we ignore people around us?

Oblivious or Obvious Love
At the turn of 2008, the world’s population was estimated to be 6.7 billion people. Imagine what it would be like to pay close attention to that many people. Yet, Jesus poetically reminds his followers that God cares for us so much that he even knows the count of hair on our heads. God notices everyone.

Read Deuteronomy 10:17-18 (The Message) GOD, your God, is the God of all gods, he's the Master of all masters, a God immense and powerful and awesome. He doesn't play favorites, takes no bribes, makes sure orphans and widows are treated fairly, takes loving care of foreigners by seeing that they get food and clothing.

3. How would you describe your vision for noticing others and loving them?
a. Black Eye. I have helped others, but people have taken advantage of me.
b. Clinically Blind. I’m oblivious of opportunities to love others.
c. Glare from the sun. I get too distracted to help people.
d. 20-20. I clearly see hurting people and I show love to them.
e. Squinty. I see opportunities to love others, but I don’t know what to do.
f. Sunglasses. Honestly, I purposely look away from loving people.
g. Other. _______________________.

Orphans, widows, and foreigners were among the most ignored people in Biblical times, yet God especially noticed them. If the Bible says that humans are created in God’s image, then we are supposed to treat all people the way God would treat them. We may know what it is like to be unnoticed; it hurts living around other human beings and feeling like no one even cares about you. That is why noticing others is the first act of showing God’s love. John 13:35 states that the defining characteristic of a Christ follower is love for others. As Christian author and speaker Tony Evans writes, “If people have to read your mind to know that you love them, they will never really know if they have been loved. Invisible love is no love at all.” Christian theologian Francis Schaeffer adds, “If we do not show love to one another, the world has a right to question whether Christianity is true.”

4. Who are the “orphans, widows, and foreigners” in our society that we tend to ignore? What about in your life?
5. Share about an experience where you or someone else questioned the truth of Christianity because love was not shown by a Christian?

God’s Eye View Prayer is our most direct form of communication with God. As Richard Foster describes it, it “is the central avenue God uses to transform us.” It draws us close to the heartbeat of God and helps us see the world from his eyes. C.S. Lewis says, “He works on us in all sorts of ways. But above all, he works on us through each other. Men are mirrors, or “carriers” of Christ to other men. Usually it is those who know him that bring him to others. That is why the church, the whole body of Christians, showing him to one another is so important.”

Read Colossians 4:2-4 Pray diligently. Stay alert, with your eyes wide open in gratitude. Don't forget to pray for us, that God will open doors for telling the mystery of Christ, even while I'm locked up in this jail. Pray that every time I open my mouth I'll be able to make Christ plain as day to them.

6. Share about a time when you reflected Christ by showing love to an unlikely recipient or when you have been the unlikely recipient. What’s Next? Read the following verses in order to develop a “God’s Eye View” of people. Use them as a guideline for how you pray for the various people that you encounter in life.
Leviticus 25:8-55
Deuteronomy 15: 1-11; 24:19-22
Psalm 82
Matthew 5:1-12; 20:20-28; 25: 31-46
Mark 10:17-31
Luke 6:27-42; 7:36-50
John 8:1-11
James 2:1-25
Personal Journal and Reflection What is one specific way you can begin to change how you focus on those around you and reflect a lifestyle of Christ to them? List some specific ways you can be a mirror of Christ to others.

Posted at 10:58 AM in Adult Groups, Losing My Religion, The Big Idea | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Chasing the Almighty: Series Study Guide

Series Introduction
Historians will look at the year that just ended as a financial train wreck that left millions of foreclosed homes, bankruptcies, and lost jobs. Yet very few will speak of how far our spending habits and views on money have shifted from the Biblical principles God has presented us to protect and guide us when such a crisis occurs. This is a “back to basics” series about how God views money, how we can benefit from consulting God when it comes to finances experiencing joy in giving.

Session 1
CONSUMED

Big Idea
Even in perilous economic times, God challenges us to trust and follow Him in our finances rather than be consumed by fear or greed.

Ice Breaker
What is one thing you were “consumed with” as a kid?

Introduction
The Bible says that where we put our time, energy, and money is where our heart will also be. Some of the things that consume us are a reflection of where our hearts should be, but there are other things with which we are consumed that we wouldn’t be as eager to admit if indeed it is any indication of what’s in our hearts.

1. What consumes most of your time now? Why?

2. What choices have you made in your life to sacrifice when it comes to time or money? How did those choices make you feel? Why?

3. Do you feel like these choices were a reflection of your heart?

READ Matthew 6:19-21(NLT)
Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.

Anderson Cooper recently posted his “10 Culprits of the Collapse”, calling out CEO’s of corporations like AIG and Lehman Brothers, the chairman of the SEC, and government officials like Phil Graham and Alan Greenspan. These “culprits” are the ones who (according to Cooper) allowed or caused the recent financial crisis. They made millions and millions on Wall Street while many on Main Street lost everything.

The recent, unprecedented financial upheaval in world financial markets boils down to two prevailing, driving factors: fear and greed, and what drives most of us in our financial lives is not that different from what drives the global economy: we are either consumed by fear about not having enough money or consumed with having enough so that our lives will be happy.

In terms of our own personal economics: is it fear or greed that keeps us chasing the almighty dollar? Or is it both?

4. What are some things that you think God has to say about finances?

5. How do you feel about the things you think God has to say about money and finances?

Two of Jesus’ most famous sayings about money are found in the same passage of Scripture. One comes after talking about the danger of greed (“You can’t serve God and money”) and the other comes after talking about worrying about material things (“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”) Greed and fear: greed is trusting in the accumulation of money to make life happy and meaningful and fear is when our primary focus is on not having enough.

6. What qualities do you think God wants people to exhibit when it comes to money?

7. In what ways has your relationship with God impacted your finances?

READ Philippians 4:19 (The Message)
You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, his generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity.

What’s Next?
We encourage you to put a check mark in the box as you progress over the course of the next week and take a commitment step by telling someone what you are doing to grow spiritually.

Memorize Philippians 4:19 (NIV)
And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
Pray and repeat the Philippians verse when making financial decisions.

For further reading on prayer in regards to financial decisions go to
www.ctlibrary.com/72881

Session 2
FREE

“What’s Next?” Follow Up
Take a moment to revisit last week’s “What’s Next?” to see and hear how people have grown or have been challenged.

Big Idea
In order to experience true financial freedom we need to shift our focus toward a relationship with God, trusting in Him with everyday spending and other financial decisions.

Ice Breaker
Imagine you are given $2 million, no strings attached. What would you do with it (fun, selfish, generous, noble, or practical)?

Introduction
God wants us to be free from the love of money and to be content. Yet we can’t get free from the love of money once any more than we can get our house free from dust once. It calls for ongoing action that is part of our lives; the love of money will always try to creep back into our lives.

1. The saying “enough is always 23% more than what you have now” is a reflection of how most of us view our financial situations. How have you experienced this in your life?

READ Hebrews 13:5-6 (The Message)
Don't be obsessed with getting more material things. Be relaxed with what you have. Since God assured us, "I'll never let you down, never walk off and leave you," we can boldly quote,

   God is there, ready to help;
   I'm fearless no matter what.
   Who or what can get to me?

2. When was a time in your life when you felt peace in regards to your finances? What was it like?

3. Is God a regular part of your financial decisions? Why or why not?

Read 1 Timothy 6:6 (The Message)
A devout life does bring wealth, but it's the rich simplicity of being yourself before God. Since we entered the world penniless and will leave it penniless, if we have bread on the table and shoes on our feet, that's enough.
Getting free from the love of money is a relational thing: God promises something that money can’t do: to never let us down nor walk off and leave us. Money will sooner or later leave us and let us down, one way or another. God says that knowing Him in a personal way, knowing that He won’t leave us, is the key to how to get free from the love of money and find financial peace. God is the replacement to money as our helper, as the one who makes us safe and secure in this world.
4. How might a relationship with God help with our financial decisions?

5. What would it take for you to trust God with your finances?

READ Proverbs 3:4-6 (The Message)
Don't lose your grip on Love and Loyalty.
Tie them around your neck; carve their initials on your heart.
Earn a reputation for living well
in God's eyes and the eyes of the people.

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
don't try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he's the one who will keep you on track.

6. Is it possible to feel financial peace in poor economic times?

What’s Next?
We encourage you to put a check mark in the box as you progress over the course of the next week and take a commitment step by telling someone what you are doing to grow spiritually.

Identify areas in your finances in which you can ask God for peace.

Take a step toward trusting God with your finances (sign up for Financial Peace, give a financial donation and trust that God will provide, pray when paying bills, and/or cut an area of spending and trust God to bless the decision).

Session 3
GENEROUS

“What’s Next?” Follow Up
Take a moment to revisit last week’s “What’s Next?” to see and hear how people have grown or have been challenged.

Big Idea
Our God delights in being generous and He invites us to experience that same extreme joy in following Him toward living a generous lifestyle.

Ice Breaker
What turned out to be one of the worst things you ever spent money on?

Introduction
Sometimes the thought of generosity is like a bad game of “Would You Rather.” Some of us would rather have a root canal than give away any of our time or money, but in reference to the ice breaker question, it would be difficult to find someone who referred to a time they gave financially as one of the worst ways to have spent money.

There are many different reasons to be generous: to feel good about ourselves, to help others, to make a difference and change the world, to set an example, to be obedient, to feel needed, because we like being thanked and appreciated. The best reason is to become more like God.

1. Have you ever been the recipient of another person’s generosity or witnessed someone’s generosity to another? Explain.

2. How did the generosity you experienced or witnessed affect your life?

3. Can you recall a time when you exhibited generosity? How did it feel?

There are so many things that God is that we have no chance of being: omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent, and perfect. There is no need to even attempt to be like God in any of these ways. We’ve got no chance. Being generous, however, is our chance to be more like Him.

READ Matthew 10:8 (The Message)
You have been treated generously, so live generously.

4. In what ways can you become more generous¬¬—more like God?

5. Are there specific needs you see around you with which you can help?

God gives knowing that there will be no return to Him for His generosity. He makes the sun shine and the rain fall on both the just and the unjust (i.e., the people who care about Him and who don’t; the ones who deserve it and the ones who don’t). To chase the Almighty is to seek to become more like Him. And He is generous.

READ Luke 6:31-34
Here is a simple rule of thumb for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you; then grab the initiative and do it for them! If you only love the lovable, do you expect a pat on the back? Run-of-the-mill sinners do that. If you only help those who help you, do you expect a medal? Garden-variety sinners do that. If you only give for what you hope to get out of it, do you think that's charity? The stingiest of pawnbrokers does that.

6. What are the qualities and characteristics of people that you consider to be truly generous?

7. Which of these qualities would you like to adopt in your personal finances and relationship with money?

8. Would you rather give to be more like God or give to get something back?

What’s Next?
We encourage you to put a check mark in the box as you progress over the course of the next week and take a commitment step by telling someone what you are doing to grow spiritually.

Identify one way you can be generous this week.

Clean out your closet, drawers, and/or garage. Donate some of the things you don’t need. Include at least one thing that is important to you. (When cleaning out our stuff there is always that shirt or pair of pants that you forgot you had but you are excited that you found. This time make a commitment to give it away in spite of the excitement of finding it. You didn’t miss it before you found!)

Posted at 03:56 PM in Adult Groups, Chasing The Almighty, The Big Idea | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Big Idea

Adult Groups

October 15, 2009

You Can't Control The Future (Week 4 Team Tool)

October 09, 2009

You Can't Handle It All (Week 3 Team Tool)

September 03, 2009

The Leader Within - Struggles of A Leader (week 2 Group Discussion Guide)

Nehemiah 4:1-23 “Outsiders” (The Message)

August 28, 2009

The Leader Within - Heart of A Leader (week 1 Group Discussion Guide)

August 07, 2009

The Real OT - Jacob to Joseph Team/Individual Guide

July 31, 2009

The Real OT - Jacob Team/Individual Guide

May 31, 2009

Suburban Legends Group Discussion Guide

May 08, 2009

In Times Like These: Series Discussion Guide

April 10, 2009

Losing My Religion: Series Discussion Guide

March 20, 2009

Chasing the Almighty: Series Study Guide

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