Most of us can hear, but during a good storytelling conversation, we (should) move beyond hearing to really listening for what is being said. By working on the skill of listening, a leader is better able to connect and care for others more completely. Here are some thoughts on listening...
"What About Me?" no not selfish listening, more like internal listening. We are thinking about how what is being shared relates to us and working through how we will respond. A good leader will think at this level about things like:
- What does this mean to me? and
- How can I encourage this person? or
- How can I relate my experiences to what is being said?
"What about them?" or externally focused listening. As you listen at this level, you should be able to ask questions that help you learn more about the person you are coaching. Learning to listen at this level will help you become a more effective leader. Ask questions like:
- What does this mean for you?
- How does/did this experience affect you?
- How do you respond differently towards others because of your experience?
"All In" listening helps to get at the emotions being shared. This type of listening can lead you to an empathic relationship. Let's face it, most of us long to be understood.. Once you begin to "get" what the other person is feeling, they will begin to feel understood and the two of you can take it up a notch. Friends who I have this kind of relationship with are the ones I know, "have my back". This is, though the place where you begin to put yourself on the line as well, where honesty, vulnerability and authenticity come into play. Have someone you're ready to go here with?
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